Round One
Boner Candidate #1: JUST DUMP THE TESTING… LET ‘EM PLAY
Kim Mulkey, women’s basketball coach for Baylor said that the NCAA should just ‘dump’ Covid-19 testing for the final four. Specifically, she said: “Wouldn’t it be a shame to keep COVID testing and then you got kids that end up having test positive for something and they don’t get to play in the Final Four?”
Boner Candidate #2: I WAS THERE
A man is awaiting trial after being arrested for participating in the January 6ths riots at the U.S. capitol. Other then a plethora of incriminating tweets and texts, he also wore a shirt when arrested that said “I Was There” in reference to the riots.
Boner Candidate #3: SOMEONE HAS TO STOP THE HORDES OF TRANS ATHLETES RUINING OUR SPORTS.
A bill passed by the Arkansas senate on Monday bans gender-affirming care to minors. This includes puberty blockers, and other reversible treatments. The bill was called “the single most extreme anti-trans law to ever pass through a state legislature.” by the deputy director for transgender justice at the ‘American Civil Liberties Union LGBT & HIV Project.’
Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: I’M A GREAT JUDGE OF HORSE FLESH
Salt Lake County’s mayoral candidate, David Robinson said some incredibly sexist things to Laurie Stringham who is running for city council. Robinson said she sounded like she was having an orgasm during one of her ads, he talked to her about selling her body, and threatened her by saying that He’d do anything to keep her from getting elected.
Boner Candidate #2: COOKIN’ WITH THE DON
Hundreds from ‘Ndrangheta crime gang from Italy are awaiting trial. One of them, was found through his YouTube cooking show where he forgot to cover up his tattoos.
Boner Candidate #3: WOW. I MEAN JUST WOW. WHO WANTS THESE?
Oscar Mayer announced it’s new line of shoelaces. Despite being a company based around selling sausages, the company’s new shoelaces will be bacon-scented.