Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for May 13th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: PIKA PIKA, KIDDIES. (EVIL LAUGH)

A theater expecting to see Detective Pikachu were sadly mistaken (and terrified) when The Curse of La Llorona played instead. Not only that, but the trailers playing ahead of the movie were all terrifying too, which ended up scaring some children and making them cry. This happens quite frequently in movie theaters, but we only hear about it when a theater really messes up like this, traumatizing children and their families. The theater in question is located in Montreal, Quebec and things reportedly started off normal until the lights went down and a trailer for Annabelle Comes Home popped up on the screen. A supernatural thriller could play before Detective Pikachu, but it probably shouldn’t. Next up was the trailer for Todd Phillips’ Joker, which could also possibly play in front of an all ages audience, though it is pretty dark and twisted. It’s at this time that some parents may have started to question what was happening in the theater. Finally, the Child’s Play remake trailer came on, which is when the kids in the theater really started to lose it. A little creepy murderous doll on the loose is what it took to bring the tears amongst the children in the audience, who were there to see the adorable little Detective Pikachu with Ryan Reynolds offering up some sanitized jokes. However, that was nothing compared to when Curse of La Llorona started playing. The horror movie begins with a woman drowning her daughter. At this point, the movie theater finally figured out what was going on and stopped the movie to have the moviegoers switched to another theater.

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Boner Candidate #2: NO WONDER SHE WAS SNARLING

A St. Petersburg woman was arrested Tuesday after deputies say she stashed seven syringes in her vagina and brought them to the jail. Deputies say they responded to a Burger King on East Bay Drive in Largo because of reports of a woman “snarling and yelling” in the restroom. Law enforcement said Jeymie Janafer Wescott, 35, refused to leave the restaurant. According to an arrest affidavit, Wescott showed “several indicators of narcotics usage” and agreed to let deputies search her. One deputy “felt something hard” when searching the right side of Wescott’s groin and vagina area, the report claims. The arrest report says Wescott refused to say what the item was but spontaneously uttered she “f***** up.” Deputies say they warned Wescott that she would face additional charges if she brought any contraband into the jail. The arrest report says when Wescott arrived at the jail, she removed 7 syringes from her vagina in front of a corporal, a deputy and a sergeant. The syringes had a clear substance inside, the report says. Wescott was charged with introduction/possession of contraband in a county detention facility, possession of drug paraphernalia and resisting an officer without violence (obstruction).

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Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU SWITCH TEAMS YOU DESERVE A BEATING

Kristaps Porzingis was involved in a physical altercation over the weekend in his home country of Latvia, and it apparently began after a group of fans confronted him over being traded from the New York Knicks to the Dallas Mavericks. A video surfaced on social media Sunday that showed Porzingis walking down the street with blood on his face. He appeared irate and, at one point, shoved a woman out of his way. According to a report from TMZ Sports, Porzingis had been out celebrating at bars and clubs in his hometown of Liepaja when he was attacked by a group of Russian fans who were upset that he changed teams last season. In addition to blood coming from his face, Porzingis also appeared to have blood on his hands and a torn short. Police could be heard trying to diffuse the situation as the 7-foot-3 superstar was shouting at someone. Neither the Mavericks nor the NBA had offered any comment on the situation as of Sunday afternoon. Porzingis has now made headlines for off-court reasons multiple times since he was traded to Dallas from Knicks, though his attorney insists the allegations that surfaced against him over a month ago are completely baseless.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT YA GOT IN THE BACKPACK?

A Florida woman was arrested last week on felony neglect charges after police said her five children were living in filthy conditions, including a girl whose backpack allegedly had bugs crawl out of it at school. Jessica Nicole Stevenson, 33, of Milton in Florida’s Panhandle, was arrested May 3, two weeks after an elementary school worker alleged that Stevenson’s second-grade daughter had worn the same clothes to school for a week, court documents filed by the Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office read. The school worker made the allegation April 18 to a sheriff’s deputy, who investigated. The worker alleged, according to the deputy’s investigation report:
• The girl, when asked, didn’t know the last time she’d taken a shower or a bath.
• The worker gave the girl clean clothes, and dirt “was caked into” the old clothing.
• One of the garments “had caked fecal matter and urine soaked into” it.
• Previously, “hundreds of bugs crawled out of (the girl’s) backpack in the lunchroom,” and the worker was told that the children’s house “is currently infested with roaches.”
• The school had given the girl numerous new sets of clothes, “but eventually wears them over and over again.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I HOPE YOUR YOUTUBE IS DOWN FOR GOOD

A Richmond woman and her family are upset after she was the target of a YouTube user’s online prank. YouTuber Lauren Love has more than 100,000 people who subscribe to her page. On April 23, she posted a video titled “CEO Firing People Prank.” She begins the video explaining that she dressed up pretending to be a high ranking Walmart manager. “So, I’m going to be going up to Walmart employees and basically observing them and then I’m going to be, like, ‘You’re fired, let me see your badge,’” Love said in the video. The video shows her going up to some employees, praising their work, and to others saying they’re not doing a good job and “fires” them. She then tells them it’s a prank, but on the last clip, a woman she pretended to fire broke into tears. “Really, I was really so crushed, I felt so little, I felt so powerless,” said Maria Leones, who has worked at Walmart for six years. “At that very moment, I felt so little, because back home I had a very good reputation because I’m a professor.” Leones, who is originally from the Philippines and moved to the United States to be with her children and grandchildren, was the last prank that showed in the 10-minute video that has been viewed more than 42,000 times. Love questions Leones, who is a cashier, as to why she’s working in a different section of the store.  “I’m in charge now and I don’t appreciate the way you’re working so I’m going to need to see your badge and vest,” Love says. As someone secretly films the ordeal, Leones defends herself and her hard work and then breaks down into tears.

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Boner Candidate #3: I WANTED TO PRAISE GOD FOR A MINUTE.

A 70-year-old Florida man was captured on video standing up through the open sunroof of a white Cadillac, arms outstretched, while driving down the highway. An off-duty Hillsborough County sheriff’s deputy recorded Leonard Olsen Jr., of Lakeland, driving down US-98 and notified the Florida Highway Patrol, according to WTVT. A trooper pulled Olsen over after he allegedly hit speeds of more than 100 mph, according to WTSP. When the trooper asked him about reports of a man sitting on the sunroof of a vehicle, Olsen allegedly replied that he didn’t “know about that.” Olsen then told the trooper that he wanted to turn himself in, according to an arrest report obtained by WTSP. When asked why, he allegedly said that his wife “treats me like a servant and she’s the mistress and I’m tired of this s—.” He added that he’d rather “go to jail than go back home,” the report says. After troopers showed him the video, Olsen allegedly admitted that he had the Cadillac in cruise control and that “the car drives itself and has a gigantic computer.” He told troopers that he thought at the time that it would be a “nice way to praise God for a minute.” Olsen was charged with misdemeanor reckless driving.

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