Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for May 1st, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: OOOOO, A VAMPIRE FACIAL.

Two former clients of a now-closed New Mexico spa offering “vampire facials” contracted HIV, according to the New Mexico Department of Health (NMDOH). The department said both people had received “injection related procedures” at the shuttered VIP Spa in Albuquerque between May and September 2018. The department has not yet concluded the facials, which involve the injection of plasma into the face, directly caused the infections, but said “additional laboratory testing on specimens from the two clients indicates recent infection with the same HIV virus- increasing the likelihood that the two HIV infections may have resulted from a procedure at the VIP spa.” The department has not identified any other potential exposures for the virus at the spa. “While over 100 VIP Spa clients have already been tested, NMDOH is reaching out to ensure that testing and counseling services are available for individuals who received injection related services at the VIP Spa,” Kathy Kunkel, New Mexico Department of Health Cabinet secretary, said in a statement. “Testing is important for everyone as there are effective treatments for HIV and many hepatitis infections.”

Read More

Boner Candidate #2: I COULD BUY ALL THE COFFEE I WANT IF I COULD ONLY GET THE GOVERNMENT TO BAIL ME OUT OF DEBT

JPMorgan Chase tried to give its customers a bit of “Monday motivation.” It backfired in spectacular fashion. The largest bank in the United States deleted a tweet posted by its Chase Bank Twitter account Monday after several people — including Democratic Senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren — criticized it as tone deaf. The tweet depicted a hypothetical conversation between a customer and their bank account. Chase Bank tagged it with the hashtag “#MondayMotivation.” “You: why is my balance so low Bank account: make coffee at home Bank account: eat the food that’s already in the fridge Bank account: you don’t need a cab, it’s only three blocks You: I guess we’ll never know Bank account: seriously?” The tweet drew ire from several people on the social media service, including Warren — a politician who frequently criticizes the country’s largest banks. In a response that mimicked the style of the original tweet, Warren called the bank out for receiving $25 billion in taxpayer money as part of a government bailout in 2008 in the wake of the financial crisis. The bank later repaid the Treasury.

Read More

Boner Candidate #3: SIR, WERE YOU TEXTING WITH THOSE DELICIOUS TATERS?

The judge was lovin’ his defense. A Connecticut man had a distracted driving ticket dismissed on Friday, after his lawyer argued that he was eating a McDonald’s hash brown behind the wheel and not talking on a cellphone. Jason Stiber was pulled over by Westport Police last April and issued a $300 ticket, which he unsuccessfully attempted to fight on his own behalf in Norwalk court. He then hired an attorney, John Thygerson, who appealed the case this past February and provided records that showed Steiber wasn’t using his phone at the time of the incident. Thygerson also discovered that the ticketing officer was on the 15th hour of a double shift, according to The Washington Post, suggesting that the long workday could have contributed to human error. On Friday, Judge Maureen Dennis ruled that the state failed to meet its burden of proof and dismissed the citation. “I just think this is a classic example of the truism that cops make mistakes. They’re human beings like everyone else and sometimes they get things wrong,” Thygerson told The Hour.

Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: PLEASE DON ‘T USE 911 TO ASK FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.

A New York woman is facing charges after reportedly calling 911 to ask how to kill her boyfriend, WKBW reported. Zelda Cotton, 54, is charged with endangering the welfare of an elderly person and criminal possession of a weapon, according to WKBW. Police said they responded to the home, where Cotton was swinging a leaf blower battery at her 76-year-old boyfriend. She reportedly said she had hit him with a VCR tape five times. WKBW reported Cotton was intoxicated at the time of the attack, but her boyfriend was not injured.

Read More

Boner Candidate #2: WE’RE LOOKING TO HIRE SOMEONE FROM CAUCASIA. KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

A northern Virginia tech staffing company has apologized after an online job posting sought “preferably Caucasian” applicants. Cynet Systems in Sterling, Virginia, removed the post and issued an apology Sunday on Twitter. The company said the individuals involved have been fired and the job post “does not reflect our core values of inclusivity & equality.” The help wanted ad, posted on LinkedIn and other sites, sought an account manager for a job based in Tampa, Florida, with an unspecified pharma company. A bullet point under “Job Description” described a candidate who is “Preferably Caucasian who has good technical background.” The posting caused a stir on social media with one person asking: “How could you POSSIBLY think that’s okay?” CBS affiliate WUSA-TV reports that even after being called out, it took the company two days to respond. A Cynet statement issued Monday said the company has a longstanding policy of turning down clients requesting candidates of a specific race or gender.

Read More

Boner Candidate #3: CHEVY, FORD. CHEVY, FORD. I SAID CHEVY. I SAID FORD

Prosecutors said an argument over which truck manufacturer was better led to a fight that left three people shot in Bedford County. The Bedford County Sheriff’s Office said 56-year-old Mark Edwin Turner was charged with felony malicious wounding, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony, and possession of a firearm by a felon. Law enforcement responded and found three people outside of the residence with what appeared to be non life-threatening injuries. Bedford County Commonwealth’s Attorney Wes Nance said Turner, his girlfriend, her son, and her son’s girlfriend were having a pre-Easter dinner at their home on Shepherd Lane. “The allegation is that there was alcohol involved and a dispute began against Logan bailey, the son of the girlfriend, and Mr. Turner about what type of vehicle is best. Chevy vs. Ford,” Nance said. “The evidence would be that Mr. Turner got so upset that he brandished a knife, that Ms. Bailey got between Mr. Turner, and Ms. Bailey and was actually struck with the knife causing about a six-inch injury,” Nance said. They said she was stabbed in the lower back area by Turner, leaving a six-inch wound.

Read More


Subscribe to X96's News!

Get the latest music news, contests and flyaways, and more straight to your inbox with our weekly emails.

* indicates required
Comments
To Top