ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: YEAH. I HAD THREE OR SIX BEERS.
A central Iowa fire chief is out of a job after police charged him with drunken driving while transporting a patient by ambulance. Police arrested the now-former Grand Junction Fire Department Chief Thomas Launderville on Saturday for operating while intoxicated, second offense. Authorities said the incident began late Friday when a Jefferson police officer heard radio traffic as Launderville transported the patent to Greene County Medical Center. The officer said he noticed that Launderville’s speech was severely slurred. The officer drove to the Greene County Medical Center to meet the ambulance and make sure the driver was not intoxicated. Upon arrival, the officer said he noticed that Launderville smelled of alcohol and was unsteady on is feet. Launderville admitted to the officer that he had three to four beers. When tested, the officer reported the fire chief’s blood alcohol content to be .210% Read More
Boner Candidate #2: SAVE THE PASEO… DOWN WITH DR. KING.
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Kansas City voters on Tuesday overwhelmingly approved removing Dr. Martin Luther King’s name from one of the city’s most historic boulevards, less than a year after the city council decided to rename The Paseo for the civil rights icon. Unofficial results showed the proposal to remove King’s name received nearly 70 percent of the vote, with just over 30 percent voting to retain King’s name. The debate over the name of the 10-mile boulevard on the city’s mostly black east side began shortly after the council’s decision in January to rename The Paseo for King. Civil rights leaders who pushed for the change celebrated when the street signs went up, believing they had finally won a decades-long battle to honor King, which appeared to end Kansas City’s reputation as one of the largest U.S. cities without a street named for him. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: MYSTERY OF A FLORIDA WOMAN’S GROIN.
ST. LUCIE COUNTY, FL — It took X-rays, a CT scan and a doctor, but sheriff’s investigators apparently solved the mystery of the groin. The case began Oct. 15 at the St. Lucie County jail as a 33-year-old Vero Beach woman was in the facility’s booking/intake area, an affidavit states. Asked whether she had drugs or contraband, the woman said, “No.” Yet when the woman went through a “body scan,” or X-ray type procedure, investigators saw “a circular shape in her groin area.” A strip search revealed “a white piece of matter in her groin area” that she refused to remove. She was taken back to the “body scanner,” which again showed the “circular shape.” So, officials decided to bring her to Lawnwood Regional Medical Center & Heart Institute about five miles away. Read More
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: MY DAD ISN’T RACIST. HE LET US HAVE PLAY DATES WITH MICHAEL JACKSON.
(Bloomberg) — The president’s oldest son, Donald Trump Jr., airs some of the family’s grievances over the probe into Russian 2016 election meddling — and many other topics, including Barack Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize — in a new book. Trump Jr. also shares some personal anecdotes about growing up Trump: lobbing faux spiders into his parents’ friends’ cocktails, and playing Nintendo with pop star Michael Jackson. There’s also a nod to speculation that he might run for office one day. “Turns out I’m not a Russian agent after all!” Trump Jr., 41, writes in “Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us,” to be published Nov. 5, according to an advance copy of the part political screed, part autobiography seen by Bloomberg News. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: DO ALL OF THESE SPERM DR.’S HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS?
DENVER — At least 10 people have been left to believe they are half-siblings with the same donor they say is Dr. Paul Jones. “I wanted to know my health history,” Shawna Hults said. “I’m super into genealogy,” Maia Emmons-Boring said. “I was really interested in the heath side of things,” Crystal McPheeters said. Three strangers with a similar curiosity did what millions have — a DNA test with Ancestry.com or 23 and Me. However, their results traced back to one man. “There’s no one else on this planet that can relate to our exact situation,” Emmons-Boring said. “After all this, we have 10 half-siblings that we are aware of at this time, ranging from 1978 to 1997,” Hults said. Almost a dozen strangers across the country are related to a fertility doctor in Grand Junction and Woman`s Healthcare of Western Colorado. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: AND ON TOP OF THAT SHE SAID HER DAD DIED
CHESTER SPRINGS, Pennsylvania — A Pennsylvania woman has been charged with conducting an online fraud by collecting money from people to help her cope with a medical crisis; a crisis that doesn’t exist. Authorities say this case proves once again how difficult it can be to distinguish between a legitimate crowdfunding event and a scam. Where once again, people with big hearts fall victim to those banking on their generosity. Officials say 31-year-old Jessica Ann Smith of Chester Springs used her maiden name of Cornell when she created a GoFundMe and Facebook page for herself claiming she had a severe case of colon cancer. In it, she states: “Jessica is facing tremendous medical bills, travel costs, paying for the care of her children and missed work.” Authorities say people donated over $10,000 to help her. Read More
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