ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: IT’S HER OWN DUMB ASPHALT.
A video posted on Reddit showed the aftermath of a woman who drove right into freshly poured concrete when she wasn’t paying attention. Redditors did not disappoint in the comment section.
Boner Candidate #2: OUR NEIGHBORS ARE JUST DICKS.
Bill Gross was found guilty in contempt of court for tormenting his California neighbors by blasting music after violating a 2020 order that prohibited the couple from playing loud music outside their home.
Boner Candidate #3: HE’S A GIFTED ARTIST SO HE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.
Congressman Danny Davis believes that R. Kelly deserves a second chance after he is released from prison because he is a “gifted, talented artist”.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: TRUMP ATTRACTS LIARS LIKE A PILE OF ‘S’ ATTRACTS FLIES.
Donald Trump invited Lance Cpl. Hunter Clark to a rally in Georgia because Clark claimed he was one of the men in the viral photo of soldiers lifting a baby over an airport wall in Afghanistan. Clark is under investigation by the DOD for lying about being present in the photo.
Boner Candidate #2: LEARN HOW TO USE YOUR PHOTO EDITING SIR.
Missouri man James Kertz was arrested after a Facebook user contacted police because Kertz had posted a photo of a catalytic converter for sale but didn’t realize that his meth had also made it to the photo.
Boner Candidate #3: DOCTORS CALLED IT A ‘UNIQUE CASE’.
A man in Lithuania was taken to the hospital after swallowing more than two pounds of metal in an attempt to stop drinking alcohol.
