Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for September 13th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: SEWAGE DUMP

Park Service employees noticed a sewage spill at at Bryce Canyon National Park Tuesday. They found the spill around 5:00 p.m. at the Inspiration Point bus parking area. It appears that a bus released its tank while parked, according to a post on the Bryce Canyon National Park Facebook page. The affected area was cleaned in accordance with state environmental guidelines and is no longer a hazard. If you witnessed this incident or have any information about it, you’re asked to call the Bryce Canyon Law Enforcement Rangers at 435-834-4767. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: DON’T BE GIVING ME THAT MALARKEY. THIS ISN’T LIMERICK.’

A Ryanair passenger was so drunk when she landed in Ireland from Spain that she believed she was still in Spain, a court has heard. Ciara Bradshaw, 38, from Limerick, was arrested when she landed at Shannon airport last month. She pleaded guilty to two charges under the Air Navigation and Transport Act for her drunkenness and verbal abuse of staff at Ennis District Court in County Clare, reported the Irish Times. The court heard that Ms Bradshaw had consumed “a toxic mix” of alcohol, including Bailey’s Irish Cream and Smirnoff vodka, as well as prescription medication Xanax before the flight because she was a nervous flyer. The plane captain said that the crew were worried that Ms Bradshaw was so drunk during the flight that she might put other passengers at risk. Ms Bradshaw’s lawyer, John Casey, said that upon landing that she was in “such a state that she thought she was still in Spain, she didn’t realise that she was back in Ireland”.
Judge John King said: “What makes this worse than a general public order offence is that this happened in the aircraft cabin and there is nowhere for people to go.” Ms Bradshaw told the court she phone to police station the following day to apologise. She was ordered to pay €500 ($550) into the court poor box to avoid a conviction. It follows news that the number of drunk and disruptive passengers arrested on planes at UK airports fell by 25 per cent last year, according to official data. Some 87 travellers were arrested on planes from April 2018 to April 2019, compared to 117 during the same period the previous year. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: MY AR-15 IS READY FOR YOU

Twitter takes down Republican Briscoe Cain’s tweet within hours because it violates rules on ‘threats of violence’…Beto O’Rourke on gun control: ‘Hell yes, we’re going to take your AR-15’ – video
A Republican state lawmaker from Texas has caused outcry for tweeting “My AR is ready for you Robert Francis” after Democratic presidential candidate Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke pledged to ban and confiscate AR-15 military-style rifles. Within hours, Twitter took down Briscoe Cain’s post, which O’Rourke’s campaign labeled a “death threat”. “It violates our rules for threats of violence,” a company spokesperson said late Thursday night. Earlier, Cain, a 34-year-old “conservative Republican” lawyer who represents a district outside of Houston, Texas, had mocked Twitter users who called his comment a threat of violence. “You’re an idiot,” he told one commenter. When O’Rourke called the tweet a death threat, and said it proved that neither Cain nor anyone else should own an AR-15, Cain responded, “You’re a child, Robert Francis.” O’Rourke endorsed a ban on the possession of certain military-style rifles shortly after the mass shooting last month in his home town of El Paso, Texas, in which 22 people died and dozens were injured. He has specifically called for a mandatory government buyback of AR-15s, following Australia’s gun control model. Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: FROZEN BISCUIT FIGHT

A woman accused of hitting a man in the head with a bag of frozen biscuits got in a jam with Fort Pierce police, according to an arrest affidavit. The 25-year-old woman was arrested Aug. 29 on a battery charge after the alleged carbohydrate caper in the 1300 block of North 12th Street in Fort Pierce. The man identified as the victim told investigators “he was struck in the head with frozen biscuits.” He said the woman got upset and came outside where he was sitting. The alleged biscuit beatdown happened as the woman “swung the bag of frozen biscuits and struck his forehead.”
A biscuit is a type of soft bread often raised with baking powder or soda. Myriad recipes exist for sweet and savory varieties. Some enjoy spreading butter and jelly on biscuits, while others prefer them with sausage and/or eggs. A traditional southern breakfast is “biscuits and gravy,” which features biscuits covered with gravy. Somewhat parenthetically, the 1988 debut album from the rapper Sir Mix-a-Lot featured the song “Buttermilk Biscuits (Keep On Square Dancin’).” Meanwhile, the alleged frozen biscuits wielding woman said she struck the victim on accident. She said she was trying to hit someone else. She said the victim’s wife kicked her in the side, but investigators saw no signs of injury. Read More 

Boner Candidate #2: AOC SLAMS GOP

Republicans aired a shocking new attack ad branding Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ‘the face of socialism’ and showing her face burning during Thursday night. The 30-second spot aired at the end of the latest Democratic debate on ABC. It displayed a photo of AOC’s face being burned ahead of images of skulls from the 1970s Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia, when communist leader Pol Pot’s regime claimed the lives of an estimated two million people. The ad also cycles through a montage of malnourished Asian children and dead bodies meant to illustrate the ‘horrors’ of ‘socialism’ and ‘forced obedience’. Republican advert BURNS Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s face. Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: NO. NO IT WAS JUST LOUD LADY SEX

Police responded for a fight inside a hotel room, then it turned out it was just two women having loud sex, it ended with a security guard getting shot at. That’s what charging documents say happened Monday afternoon at the Days Inn Hotel in the 8700 block of Loch Raven Boulevard in Towson. It all started when two clerks working at the front desk of the hotel got a call from one of the rooms. During the call, the workers reportedly heard two people fighting in the background, prompting the on-duty security guard to call police. Arriving officers spoke with two women who were supposedly in the room when the commotion was heard. Each told police they were not fighting but were having sex. At the request of the security officer, police ordered the women to pack up and leave the hotel. One of the women thought she left a cell phone in the room, at which point an officer escorted her back to look for it. When they returned, the other woman, 34-year-old Allison Daughtrey had gone into the lobby and began to argue with hotel staff. Read More 

 


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