Boners

Boner of the Day for September 17th, 2019

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: WHEN SKATEBOARDS ARE BANNED ONLY SKATEBOARDERS WILL HAVE THEM

Mike Huckabee can always be relied on to offer a clever little ‘gotcha’ in reaction to a liberal position he scoffs at. His speech and tweets cackle with self-satisfaction in the smug belief he has delivered a knockout blow to the other man’s argument. When in reality is it nothing more than a hay-maker and miss. Not that he’ll ever know – his intellectual attainments are on a par with his gift for comedy. Take Mike’s dig at Beto O’Rourke ‘s announcement that he will take people’s AR 15s and AK 47s. Huckabee brought up skateboards. Why? Because people are injured — even killed — using skateboards. So Mike proposes that Beto demand their ban. Dozens are killed every year on skateboards. Thousands injured. Hey Beto! Heck yes, we’re going to take your SKATEBOARD!
At first blush, Huckabee seems like he might have a cunning, albeit snide, argument — but a brief inspection reveals it to be smoke. Let’s wonder what else kills you – cleaning chemicals, flights of stairs, swimming pools electrical appliances, to name a few. But none of them has ever been used in a massacre. He’s not new at this game. When faced with the prospect that homophobic ‘Christian’ bakers might have to sell cakes for gay weddings, Huckabee asked if kosher delis should be forced to sell bacon-wrapped shrimp. “This is not just a political issue. It is a biblical issue. And as a biblical issue — unless I get a new version of the scriptures, it’s really not my place to say, OK, I’m just going to evolve. It’s like asking someone who’s Jewish to start serving bacon-wrapped shrimp in their deli. We don’t want to do that — I mean, we’re not going to do that. Or like asking a Muslim to serve up something that is offensive to him, or to have dogs in his backyard.” Read More

Boner Candidate #2: JUDGE PANTY SNIFFER

A suspended Long Island judge pleaded guilty on Friday to sneaking into his neighbor’s home and stealing panties from her clothes hamper, authorities said. Robert Cicale, 50, pleaded guilty to second-degree attempted burglary before Nassau County District Court Judge David Goodsell in Suffolk County District Court in Central Islip. The East Islip resident was detained on March 29, 2018, by Suffolk police after he had been knocking on a neighbor’s door. Cicale is said to have just left the home of a different neighbor prior to arriving at the second neighbor’s home. The first neighbor was identified as a 23-year-old former intern at the Islip Town attorney’s office, where the judge used to work. Police found that the judge had several pairs of panties stuffed down his suit jacket and raincoat when they apprehended him. ‘He violated the law, the public’s trust and the victims’ sense of security,’ District Attorney Timothy Sini said in a news release, according to Newsday. ‘Today’s disposition holds him accountable for his actions and serves justice.’ Read More

Boner Candidate #3: MY DEALER MADE ME DO IT

David Sheppard, 42, told South Carolina police he was walking around naked because he owed his drug dealer $350 and that man “needed to embarrass” him, according to a police report published on The Smoking Gun. According to the report, Sheppard was streaking around 7:30 Saturday evening when he was pointed out to police by a passerby. When police asked Sheppard what he was doing, he explained the situation to cops and stated the alleged drug pusher “presented a firearm” before telling the man to strip down and take a walk as penance for his debt. Sheppard reportedly told police that the dealer was a 25-year-old black male, but wouldn’t give up a name and did not wish to press charges. He also alleged that dealer followed him down the street for a while in an SUV before pulling away. Sheppard said he was never threatened by the alleged dealer. Police did not file charges against Sheppard, whom they identified as the “victim” in their report. The Smoking Gun reported Sheppard is a registered sex offender stemming from an incident when he was a teenager in Massachusetts. He was arrested for failing to report his status in 2010 after relocating to Myrtle Beach, S.C., according to S.C. Now. Sheppard has also reportedly been busted for drug possession. Read More

ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WHY HAS HE HAD HIS JOB THIS LONG?

An MIT scientist who appeared to defend Jeffrey Epstein stating that his victims were almost certainly ‘entirely willing’ as the ‘most plausible scenario’ has resigned from his post.
Richard Stallman, a computer scientist considered to be one of the most influential in his field, was quizzed over his stance on the now-deceased financier’s actions after he made a series of bizarre comments captured in leaked emails revealed by a graduate. Stallman sent out an email on Monday explaining his sudden departure: ‘I am resigning effective immediately from my position in CSAIL at MIT,’ he wrote. ‘I am doing this due to pressure on MIT and me over a series of misunderstandings and mischaracterizations.’ MIT visiting scientist Richard Stallman (right) appeared to defend the actions of Jeffrey Epstein (left) in leaked emails from an engineering graduate. He has now resigned from MIT Engineering alumna Selam Jie Gano shared a blog post that called for the immediate removal of Stallman who was a visiting scientist at the school. She revealed correspondence that appeared to show his belief that there was no wrongdoing by Epstein nor another alleged attacker Marvin Minsky, who worked at MIT. The claims came amid revelations about MIT receiving money, possibly up to millions of dollars, from the convicted sex offender. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: WE COULDN’T WAIT. WE JUST COULDN’T.

FERNANDINA BEACH, Fla. – A Florida couple face multiple, additional charges after deputies say a DUI arrest turned X-rated after the pair were handcuffed and placed in the back seat of the patrol car Saturday. Officers initially arrested Megan Mondanaro, 35, and Aaron Thomas, 31, on DUI charges after a deputy spotted two people riding a bike with no lights down the middle of a road near Fernandina Beach in northeast Florida, the Miami Herald reports. The deputy pulled Mondanaro and Thomas over after a vehicle nearly hit them, according to an arrest report obtained by the paper. After reportedly smelling alcohol and noting the couple had bloodshot eyes, he arrested Mondanaro and Thomas, placing them in the back seat of his car. “While I was outside of my patrol vehicle, Megan and Aaron took their clothes off and started to have sex,” the report reads. “When I opened up the door to stop them, Aaron was naked and Megan had her pants down.”
When the responding officer and another deputy tried to remove Thomas from the car, he managed to break free from their grasp and ran naked through the parking lot, hands cuffed in front of him, according to the report. Deputies caught up to him behind a nearby Cold Stone Creamery. Mondanaro and Thomas – both of whom have lengthy arrest records – now face several additional charges. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: THAT’S ONE WAY TO COVER UP YOUR RACISM

Granville County Sheriff Brindell Wilkins learned one of his deputies had a tape of him making “racially offensive” comments, prosecutors say. So the North Carolina lawman encouraged another man to kill the officer, according to a felony indictment revealed late Tuesday night. “The only way you gonna stop him is kill him,” Wilkins allegedly told the would-be shooter in a 2014 recorded phone call about a plan to kill former deputy Joshua Freeman. The plot was not carried out. Wilkins is charged with two felony counts of obstruction of justice charges for his failure to arrest the unnamed person or report the threat on Freeman’s life, and for also allegedly giving the man advice about how to get away with the murder. Wilkins has been sheriff of the small county in northern North Carolina, where the biggest town is home to about 8,400 people, since 2009 and was most recently reelected in 2018. Wake County District Attorney Lorrin Freeman, who brought the charges, told the News & Observer that Wilkins is still the sheriff. Read More


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