Round 1
Boner Candidate #1: THE QUEST FOR FAME ENDS COLD AND ALONE
The climb to social-media fame can be deadly. A Taiwanese woman known as the “Bikini Climber” became the latest person to die while hunting for the perfect photo to post online. Gigi Wu, known on Facebook for posting sizzling seminude pictures atop boulders, was found frozen to death after a 65-foot fall. The mountaineer, 36, was eight days into a solo hike Saturday when she called a friend to say she’d tumbled down a ravine in central Taiwan’s Yushan Mountain and was unable to move because of a leg injury, Taiwan News reported. Rescuers were unable to airlift her until 28 hours later because of poor weather conditions. But by then, the young woman was dead, officials said.
Boner Candidate #2: THE THING IS THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WILL BELIEVE THIS.
After starting a conspiracy theory smearing special counsel Robert Mueller as a sexual predator, a well-known Trump-loving, plagiarizing Twitter troll has gone old-school by rekindling “birtherism,” spreading it among low-IQ MAGA-culturalists and aiming it at the first black woman to throw her hat into the ring of 2020 presidential hopefuls. One day after Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) announced that she is running for president, Jacob Wohl, the “Wolf of Wohl Street” accused of fleecing investors during his previous incarnation as a right-wing Bernie Madoff, tweeted that Harris was not eligible to become president because her parents were not born in the United States.
Boner Candidate #3: YOU JUST SHOULDN’T SELL YOURSELF SO CHEAP
Responding deputies from the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office found the victim at about 10:30 Monday night with a gunshot wound to her shoulder, according to WJXT. Investigators described her injury as non-life-threatening. The woman reportedly told deputies she agreed to perform a sexual act with a man in exchange for Pringles potato chips and $5. When the deed was done, he asked for his $5 back and shot the woman, deputies said.
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Round 2
Boner Candidate #1: WE NEED A CLEAN UP IN THE PILLOW AISLE
Stuart police went to the Walmart in the 4000 block of Southeast Federal Highway “in reference to a black male exposing himself … in the pillow aisle,” the affidavit states. Palmer, of Stuart, was identified as the person evidently doing more than just browsing for bedding. Palmer asked why he was being detained. An officer said it was because of a report his penis was exposed and that he touched himself inappropriately. Palmer said “he was just itching himself because he has crabs.” When police reviewed surveillance video, they reported seeing “rubbing” and activities other than “itching.”
Boner Candidate #2: I’M SURE THEY HAD DEEP DISCUSSIONS ABOUT HOW TO HELP DISADVANTAGED AMERICANS
WASHINGTON — Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin flew from Washington to Los Angeles this month on the private aircraft of Michael R. Milken, the billionaire “junk bond” king who pleaded guilty to securities fraud in 1990 and served two years in prison. The flight, which was confirmed by the Treasury Department on Friday, was the latest example of Trump administration officials using luxury or government aircraft for personal reasons. Mr. Mnuchin, who was accompanied by Secret Service agents on Mr. Milken’s jet, travels frequently to California to visit his children who live there. A Treasury Department spokesman said that Mr. Mnuchin and Mr. Milken have known each other for years and that after reviewing internally the secretary’s plans to take the flight, it was decided that he did not need an ethics waiver. Mr. Mnuchin has reimbursed Mr. Milken for the cost of the flight, the spokesman said, but did not disclose the amount.
Boner Candidate #3: I HAVE A DREAM OF BOTTOMLESS KEGS AND 3 DOLLAR SHOTS
A bar in Iowa canceled an event honoring Martin Luther King Jr. called “MLKegs” after the planned holiday weekend bash was blasted on social media as racist, insensitive and the result of unchecked “white privilege.” The event on Sunday at Deringer’s Public Parlor in Cedar Hills had been an informal tradition continued by some students at the University of Northern Iowa “for a decade,” owner Darin Beck told the Des Moines Register. The bar, according to a since-deleted Facebook post promoting the event, planned to offer $10 “bottomless kegs” along with $3 shots and $7 pizzas on Sunday to celebrate King’s legacy and his contributions to the civil rights movement prior to his assassination in 1968.
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