Round 1
Boner Candidate #1:I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE BAG A BUCK DATING APP
CHECOTAH, Okla. — An Oklahoma woman looking for love got more than she bargained for when she unwittingly shared her exhilaration about illegally shooting a “bigo buck” on a dating app with a state game warden. Oklahoma Game Warden Cannon Harrison says he uncovered the poaching in a conversation on Bumble with a McIntosh County woman. She talked about using a spotlight to shoot the deer at night, outside the rifle season. The woman only harvested the head and back-strap meat – and she sent Harrison pictures as proof.
Boner Candidate #2: DID YA GIT YER DEER?
OTTUMWA, Iowa —An Iowa man faces felony charges after officials say he drunkenly fired a rifle from the front deck of a camper hoping to bag a deer but instead shot a woman in her home. The Iowa Department of Natural Resources says the shooting happened Friday in Wapello County. The local sheriff’s office says a 73-year-old woman was cleaning her stove when she heard a loud noise and felt pain in the back of her head. When she saw she was heavily bleeding, she drove herself to a hospital. Doctors later removed a bullet from the back of her head.
Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU NEED TO MAKE ENDS MEET SEAMAN; HAVE A GARAGE SALE.
The Coast Guard, which is the only branch of the military directly affected by the partial government shutdown, is shelling out financial advice to its furloughed members as the White House and Democrats in Congress remain gridlocked over a $5 billion border wall. The advice? Spend less, find a babysitting gig, host a garage sale or become a “mystery shopper.” The worst-case scenario was listed at the bottom of the five-page informational packet: “Bankruptcy is a last option.”
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Round 2
Boner Candidate #1: O.A.C. AND THE TOE SUCKERS
A photo purporting to show Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s legs and feet soaking in a bathtub has been debunked — thanks to a group of online foot fetishists who determined the tootsies in question actually belong to Anthony Weiner’s sexting partner, Sydney Leathers, according to a report. An image showing a woman’s legs and feet with lilac-painted toes peeking out of pink bathwater was being shared on Reddit and 4Chan, with users claiming the freshman New York congresswoman posted it on her Instagram in 2016, according to Vice. The photo — overlaid with the text, “alexandria ocasio-cortez.instagram.post.9-3-2016” — was shared with the creepy conceit was that if you zoomed in on the faucet, you could see the photographer’s breasts.
Boner Candidate #2: MY OVERCOAT IS AT LEAST 80 PROOF.
An attorney for a Pennsylvania woman charged with drunken driving hinted his client’s coat-chewing could’ve thrown off the results of her breath test. The (Bloomsburg) Press Enterprise reports the argument came during a hearing Tuesday for 47-year-old Jana Moschgat. An officer who pulled Moschgat over testified she was nibbling on her coat before he gave her the breath test and that he ordered her to stop.
Moschgat’s lawyer, Travis Petty, asked the officer if he knew the chemical composition of the coat, noting that certain substances can alter the results of the test. Moschgat’s test showed her blood-alcohol level was 0.151 percent, nearly twice the legal limit for drivers in Pennsylvania. The officer says Moschgat also smelled of alcohol and failed a field sobriety test. The judge ruled there was enough evidence to send the charges to trial.
Boner Candidate #3: AH COME ON. IT WAS FUNNY.
One deputy’s ill-conceived joke just put an entire department on blast.
A sheriff’s deputy in Florida resigned Tuesday after sending a colleague a colorful toy bomb — complete with a handwritten note reading “Boom” — that forced an evacuation, authorities said.James Piper, a 59-year-old deputy at the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office, stepped down from his post after admitting he mailed the toy bomb to Lt. Joseph Gerretz at his office in the sheriff’s administration building via office mail, the department announced Tuesday.
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