Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for June 7th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: WE HAVE A STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH THE GERMANS

Washington (CNN)State Department spokeswoman Heather Nauert on Tuesday cited the D-Day invasion during an answer about the current state of US-German relations. “We have a very strong relationship with the government of Germany,” Nauert said. “Looking back in the history books, today is the 71st anniversary of the speech that announced the Marshall Plan. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the D-Day invasion. We obviously have a very long history with the government of Germany, and we have a strong relationship with the government of Germany.” Nauert’s comment came during a press briefing Tuesday after she was asked about controversial remarks by the US ambassadors to Germany and Israel.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU COULD SAY THEIR PLAN REALLY BOMBED

Authorities say two Florida men had an unusual plan for getting some unwelcome house guests to leave — they allegedly exploded bombs to scare them. Orlando prosecutors charged 56-year-old Bruce Steffenhagen and 37-year-old Nathan Martin with felony explosives charges after the two were arrested during a Tuesday standoff with sheriff’s deputies. According to court documents, Martin told Orange County sheriff’s investigators Steffenhagen wanted to kick two people out of an apartment attached to his home. He told investigators he and Steffenhagen decided to explode two acid bombs in the yard to scare them enough to make them leave. Detectives say Steffenhagen told them he knew the bombs would explode but did not think it would be a big deal. Both were being held Wednesday on $15,000 bail.

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Boner Candidate #3: HONEY, DON’T FORGET YOUR BULLET SHIELD

Students at St. Cornelius Catholic School in Chadds Ford, Pa., were given the protective shields on Monday.CreditNews 4 Tucson KVOA-TV, via YouTube. As the school year wound down this week at St. Cornelius Catholic School in Chadds Ford, Pa., eighth-grade students were handed a gift meant to prepare them for their transition to high school — a bullet-resistant shield that can fit in their backpacks. “It is their life now, which is very sad,” Barbara Rosini, the school principal, said in an interview on Tuesday. “But if it is something that will help keep our kids, or any child or any adult, safe, that is unfortunately where we are now.” “I never thought I would need this,” Jacob Nicosia, one of the students graduating on Tuesday, told a local television station during the distribution event on MondayThe small private school in a small semirural community west of Philadelphia, with several hundred students from prekindergarten through middle school, is not alone in its attempt to address the multiple school shootings over the years.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1:A MOTORBIKE IN A SCHOOL HALLWAY; WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

 A high school senior ended up in police custody on Tuesday after he was seen riding a dirt bike through the school’s hallway. The student, who was not identified by police, was charged with simple assault and disorderly conduct, according to the Roxbury Township Police Department. The assault charge came as a result of the bike’s handlebar making contact with a student, police said. Being struck by the handlebar only caused the student a “minor injury,” according to police. Video of the incident shows the student riding through the halls before being stopped and taken away in police custody. Police described the incident as a stunt. According to the school’s website it came on the same day as the senior yearbook signing and the day before Senior Academic Awards. There was no word as of Tuesday night whether the stunt would affect the student’s ability to go to prom next week or graduate with his class on June 21.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT IS AN EXCITING TIME SCOTT.

The EPA chief chalked criticism up to “significant change” happening across the administration. Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt is defending an attempt he made last year to secure a “business opportunity” for his wife with fast-food chain Chick-fil-A. The attempted deal came to light in government emails released on Tuesday by the Sierra Club, which obtained them through a Freedom of Information Act request. When Nextstar TV reporter Jessica Smith asked him about the effort on Wednesday, he responded indirectly by saying there are “significant” and “needed” changes happening at his agency and across the administration. “With great change comes, I think, opposition,” Pruitt said.  The emails, as first reported by The Washington Post, revealed that Pruitt ordered an aide to set up a call with the chairman of Chick-fil-A in May 2017 to discuss, on behalf of Pruitt’s wife, Marlyn Pruitt, the possibility of becoming a franchisee of the fast-food chain.

Boner Candidate #3: LET’S JUST PUT AN ASSAULT WEAPON IN EVERY STUDENT LOCKER.

A Colorado sheriff’s department wants to store AR-15s inside schools — as a way of stopping a shooter faster, according to local reports. The Boulder County Sheriff’s Office pitched the idea to move rifles from school resource officers’ cars to safes inside of two schools, saying it would allow deputies to reach the guns and stop a potential shooter quicker, KOAA reported. Only the officers would have access to the vaults, using their fingerprints. Right now, it takes between 10 to 15 minutes for deputies to respond to Lyons Middle/Senior and Niwot High School, the Denver Post reported. “We’re seeing the number of school shootings increase,” said Robert Sullenberger, the division chief for Boulder County. “The vast majority of these school shootings are concluded within five to seven minutes, so the quicker that we can address this threat, the better off everyone is.”

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