Boners

Boner (Round One) for April 5th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN WAYS OF WORSHIPING THE LORD

It’s supposed to be the most sacred of places but one pastor had something else on his mind other than the Holy Spirit. In a video recorded in secret, a man of the the cloth is seen tapping away on his phone viewing videos of naked women shaking their behinds.The recording which was posted online by WorldStarHipHop just a few days ago has already racked up almost half-a-million views from eager people looking to take delight in the minister’s ‘interests’.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE’VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY HERE

An Orange County animal cremation and burial facility has promised to clean up property littered with animal remains that have gone unburied for months. Debbie Mulrine, the owner of Greenbrier Memory Gardens in Apopka, said the remains in question were from stray animals and animals from families that didn’t want the remains back. She did not realize the remains, which were supposed to be spread out and covered with dirt, had been collecting for about four months. “OK, that’s a little bit more than what I expected,” she said when Channel 9 reporter Cuthbert Langley showed her a picture of the site.

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Boner Candidate #3: GUH-HILK!

He’s in deep shirt now. A Pennsylvania man arrested on suspicion of DUI was wearing a shirt that can be described, at best, as ironic. When Elwood R. Gutshall was arrested around 12:15 a.m. on March 19, the 44-year-old was wearing a green shirt reading “Drunk Lives Matter.”  On 3/19/2017 at approx. 00:15hrs the Newville Police Dept. observed a green Ford pickup committing multiple traffic violations. The vehicle was subsequently stopped and the driver was identified as Elwood R Gutshall III (44) of Newville, PA. After subsequent investigation it was determined the driver was under the influence of alcohol beyond what he could safely operate a motor vehicle. Gutshall was taken into custody and taken to the Cumberland County Booking Center for a legal blood draw. Gutshall’s BAC returned at .217% and he is charged with DUI Highest Rate, driving under DUI suspension, and traffic violations. Officers say they observed Gutshall committing multiple traffic violations in a green Ford pickup. “After subsequent investigation it was determined the driver was under the influence of alcohol beyond what he could safely operate a motor vehicle,” according to the department’s Facebook post.

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