Boners

Boner (Rounds One and Two) for July 30th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS A DONATION FROM A CONSTITUENT

Authorities say a Florida city commissioner sold his vote to a strip club owner. The Miami Herald reports that prosecutors announced charges Wednesday against North Miami Beach Commissioner Frantz Pierre. The 53-year-old official faces one count each of bribery, unlawful compensation, organized scheme to defraud and grand theft, as well as seven counts of money laundering. Prosecutors say Pierre and his non-profit collected more than $20,000 from the owner of Dean’s Gold strip club in exchange for his vote for a special operating license allowing the club to serve alcohol after-hours. Investigators say Pierre had previously voted against the license. Pierre was being held on $35,000 bond. An attorney for Pierre says he did nothing wrong.

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Boner Candidate #2: I GOT A GATOR AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT

A Facebook video shows a man chasing people in a Jacksonville convenience store wielding a live alligator. The man yells “ya’ll aint out of beer are ya? Is he taking the last bit of beer? You aren’t taking the last bit of beer are you?” First Coast News reached out to the man who posted this video, and he stated that it was “all fun and games. I knew everybody in there.” The incident is currently under investigation, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. It is currently unknown if the man has done anything illegal.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE WAS WASTING OUR MONEY ON SOMETHING HE COULD GET FOR FREE.

An Arkansas woman was arrested Saturday after telling police she shot and killed her husband because he bought pornography, officials said. The Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office said in a news release it received a call around 2:30 p.m. from 69-year-old Patricia Hill, who told dispatchers she just shot her 65-year-old husband, Frank. When police arrived at the home, located about 36 miles south of Little Rock, they found Frank Hill dead in a shed on the property. Hill sustained two gunshot wounds to the upper and lower body, according to police. The sheriff’s office said that during an interview with Hill, she told investigators she arrived home and went to the shed on her property to confront her husband, but there had never been any physical altercations between the couple.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: EAT MY DUST, COPPER

HERSHEY, Neb. — An Iowa woman who was ticketed for speeding in Nebraska perhaps didn’t take the citation seriously — deputies clocked her driving at 142 mph as she accelerated away from the traffic stop. The Lincoln County sheriff’s office says the 31-year-old woman from Council Bluffs was eventually arrested on suspicion of willful reckless driving after deputies caught up with her for a second time early Saturday. Deputies first stopped the 2018 Ford Mustang around 1 a.m. Saturday on Interstate 80 near North Platte after it was recorded driving 92 mph in a 75 mph zone. The driver was cited and told she could leave. But she took off at speed and the deputies gave chase, using radar to clock her driving at 142 mph.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WILL TAKE MY OWN SWEET TIME

The case of a man who was accidentally shot to death by his girlfriend in her Bradenton home has come to light more than five months later. Despite the finding that the shooting was accidental and no charges were ever filed, a Bradenton police officer has been punished for among other reasons, not turning on her patrol car’s lights and sirens or displaying any other urgency in responding to the scene. Officer Amy Schwartz told internal affairs investigators she usually doesn’t activate her lights and sirens unless “there’s an officer down.” On the afternoon of Feb. 21, the Bradenton Police Department responded to a report of a shooting in the 1000 block of Sixth Street East in Bradenton. Malik Gore-Bell, 20, was found dead from a gunshot wound to the head in the bedroom of his girlfriend’s home.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHEN YOU FIND OUT WHERE I WORK YOU WON’T ARREST ME.

Police in Maryland say a man who was being detained told officers he worked at Krispy Kreme and would give them doughnuts if they would let him go. Sgt. Jonathan Shatlock tells The Frederick News-Post 25-year-old Matthew Tyler Rosenberg and another man were spotted Thursday by an officer who suspected they were peering into vehicles for anything worth stealing. Charging documents state the officer ordered them to stop, but Rosenberg began walking away. They say a struggle ensued and an officer kneed Rosenberg in the abdomen before he was subdued. Authorities say a search of Rosenberg yielded an air pistol and marijuana. It was then that Rosenberg began offering officers doughnuts. Rosenberg faces charges including resisting arrest. It’s unclear if he has a lawyer. The other man wasn’t charged.

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