Boners

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for April 27th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: R. LAWSON KNOWS WHAT HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS SHOULD LEARN ABOUT SEX.

A high school gym teacher in Virginia was yanked out of the classroom after showing two “highly offensive” sex education videos produced by a frank-talking YouTube personality. Frank Lawson, head of the physical education department at Western Albermarle High School in Crozet, is on administrative leave after showing two videos to a class of freshman girls made by Laci Green, a Los Angeles-based sex educator whose YouTube channel has more than 1.4 million subscribers, the Daily Progress reports. “It was highly offensive, entirely inappropriate for a student audience and school administrators called each family on April 13 to apologize for its use,” the chairwoman of Albemarle County School Board, Kate Acuff, told parents in an email. “The video was not previously screened by the school, which was a violation of our standard practice.” It’s unclear what videos were shown, but some of Green’s past content includes titles like “You Can’t POP Your Cherry!” and “Freaky Labia.” She has also opined on “The Truth About Pulling Out,” “How to Help Her Orgasm” and “Squirting 101,” among other topics. Some of the videos require users to confirm their age, as some content “may be inappropriate” for younger viewers.

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Boner Candidate #2: FIRST BABY BIBLES.

A woman charged with felony breaking and entering at a North Carolina hospital is sharing her side of the story with FOX8. New Hanover Regional Medical Center’s police department charged Linda Everett after they say she went into areas of the women’s and children’s hospital in Wilmington unauthorized on April 5. Police in High Point say she turned herself in last week. “I am not that person,” Everett said. “I am not that person to do that and it hurts. I mean it really got to me.” Linda Everett says she was at Betty H. Cameron Women’s & Children’s Hospital in Wilmington on April 5 to pass out first baby Bibles. “All I was doing was giving a gift and to me that is no crime,” Everett said. Hospital police say she wasn’t supposed to be there. A spokesperson for the hospital said Everett was denied access and was later spotted in an unauthorized area. “I didn’t see anything wrong with it,” Everett said. “A nurse told me and escorted me into that room.” Police charged Everett with three counts of breaking and entering and stealing $50 worth of religious items from the hospital.

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Boner Candidate #3: A LAWYER IN A HAZMAT SUIT IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN.

An Alabama lawyer is headed to prison after orchestrating a kidnapping that nearly cost his hostage a finger — and his genitals. The lawyer’s motive? It was all over $60 the victim was supposed to pay the lawyer in exchange for some tires, prosecutors said. On Thursday, a judge sentenced James William Woolley, 52, to 20 years in prison on the robbery, kidnapping and attempted murder charges that a jury convicted Woolley of last month, the Birmingham News reports. Woolley’s kidnapping plot was set into motion on Jan. 25, 2016, with some help from an accomplice. Kimberly Murphy, 33, lured the victim to her Birmingham home by promising she would return a piercing kit the victim had left there, according to prosecutors.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: HOW’S THE FOOD AT THAT BREASTRAUNT.

A group of servers at a Twin Peaks in Illinois were graded on their bodies before shifts and were forced to wear lingerie so revealing that police issued citations for indecent exposure, according to a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. The former servers at the lodge-style breastaurant in Orland Park detailed their claims on Thursday to the Chicago Tribune, alleging that part of the job description to be a genuine “Twin Peaks Girl” mandated that they sign a form stating that the “essence of the role is based on female sex appeal.” The ex-employees — two female bartenders and a male busboy — claim the restaurants violated Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act protecting against sex discrimination and harassment. Sarah Blaylock, 28, said she signed the agreement to join the all-female server staff knowing that she needed to be fit and attractive while on the job. She was also OK with the provided uniform: a cleavage-revealing T-shirt, short khaki shorts and knee-high mountain boots. But expectations at the Hooters-style restaurant changed six months after its grand opening in April 2016, Blaylock said.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE COPS STARTED NOTICING A PATTERN.

After Ogden’s main courthouse was evacuated for the third time, all on subsequent Thursdays, some people wondered if police could track down a suspect just by seeing who had court hearings scheduled on those days.  Turns out, that’s pretty much what police did. Out of dozens of hearings at Ogden’s 2nd District Court on those days, only one person — Jerry Kenton Larkin — had hearings scheduled for the times the three bomb threats were called in, according to a probable cause statement. Larkin and Tonisha Chontae Lester, both 44-year-old Ogden residents, were arrested Friday and are being held without bail in Weber County Jail. Lester was booked on three counts of making a false alarm alleging an ongoing and imminent threat, a third-degree felony. Larkin is being held without bail because he missed three court appearances. He was scheduled to appear in court to address a DUI arrest in August 2017, according to online court records. Larkin’s scheduled hearing was moved back a week after each reported bomb threat. On Thursday, April 5, the first date of Larkin’s scheduled court appearance, Weber Area Dispatch received a 911 call where a woman said there was a bomb in the district court building, prompting an evacuation and search of the building. The two following Thursdays, April 12 and 19, dispatch again received calls that appeared to be from the same woman.

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Boner Candidate #3: IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO STOP A VOODOO CURSE.

Authorities in North Carolina have accused a woman of filing nearly 300 insurance claims for cancer even though she didn’t have the disease. The North Carolina Department of Insurance said in a statement Tuesday that 60-year-old Susan Leigh Huebotter is charged with insurance fraud and obtaining property by false pretenses over $100,000. The statement says Huebotter presented 287 cancer and hospitalization policy claims that were fraudulent. According to the arrest warrants, Huebotter made the claims between 2009 and 2017 without being diagnosed, treated or undergoing surgery for cancer. Warrants say the false claims totaled $231,306.

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