Boner Candidate #1: DOORDASH DANCING LESSON
A Utah DoorDash driver has been arrested and facing sexual battery charges. Allegedly he touched a Taco Bell employee inappropriately on multiple accastions. Angel Tineo Tarazona, has been arrested as of Monday. In Saratoga Springs the victim had been called the police to the Taco Bell. When the police got there both of the parties were in the restaurant. The victim states that she was giving Tarazona the order when the victim turned, thats when he put his hand on her butt and pulled her towards him. When the officers interviewed Tarazona, he denied it by saying he had been trying to teach her a dance and thats why he placed his hand on her hip. Tarazona’s wife claimed she witnessed the interaction and nothing inappropriate occurred. On Monday, officers recived video footage of the incident and it shows that everything the victim said was true. Tarazona was arrested at his home in Orem and now faces sexual battery charges.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #2: WE’RE GOING TO TARIFF THE SEAGULLS
On Wednesday, Donald Trump has implemented tariffs on several uninhabited islands as a part of an confused effort to establish equal trade. The White House published a list of all the countries that have been slapped with “reciprocal tariffs”. Social media users were the ones to point out, that the list includes uninhabited islands and territory where the only significant settlement was U.S. military base. One of the uninhabited islads include Heard and McDonald Islands one of the most remote places on Earth, was slapped with 10% “reciprocal tariff.” Along with the British Indian Ocean Terriroty was also slapped with a 10% reciprocal tariff, despite the fact the he only inhabitants of the islands are U.S.-U.K. military personnel.
Boner Candidate #3: HE SLEEPS WITH HIS AK. IT MAKES HIM FEEL SAFER.
On Wednesday, a 35 year old man has been arrested after police said he accidentally shot his friend in the groin with an AK-47. Jason Wayne Angell, has been booked into Salt Lake County Jail as an investigation of aggravated assult resulting in serious injury, illegal discharge of a firearm causing injury, two counts of domestic violence in the presence off a child and providing alcohol to a minor. The 19 year old victim had been at Angell’s house Tuesday night to “hang out” the two “began to drink and smoke weed” thats when “Jason then informed (the victim) that he wanted to show him his new gun.” That is when Angell pulled out the AK-47. The victim staes “he told Jason multiple times to make sure the gun was clear, but Jason did not listen. He said Jason then loaded the gun, but he did not appear to know how to use the gun. Jason manipulated the gun, in manner that (the victim) was not able to describe, pointed the gun at the victim and shot him.” Angell told the investigators that “the gun just went off” and that when she saw the victim with his arms in the air and saying “You just shot me.”
