Boner Candidate #1: I KNOW SOME OF YOU BONER VOTERS WILL THINK THIS IS AN OVERREACTION, BUT WHAT ELSE COULD THEY DO?
a) 39-year-old Florida man Travis Jordan, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after pulling out an 18-inch machete at a bar. Jordan was hoping to participate in another karaoke song at Kennedy’s Lamp Post Tavern, but his request was denied which lead him to take out his machete. Another patron of the bar was able to calm Jordan and take away the machete before calling the police.
b) Ohio police are on the lookout for two suspects after they pulled out a gun and terrorized a Chipotle restaurant because they were unsatisfied with the amount of cheese they received with their order. One of the suspects “cornered [an] employee and ripped off her hat” before trying to start a fight. When other employees came over to help, one suspect pulled out a gun while the other was heard saying, “Shoot them”.
Boner Candidate #2: YOU COULD JUST PUT UP A ‘NO SOLICITORS’ SIGN.
Colorado men Bryan Hill, 61, and Tracy Remington, 53 were recently arrested and charged with second-degree assault, felony menacing and prohibited use of a weapon after police discovered a homemade “booby trap” on their property. The police were called after a door-to-door paint salesman approached the home when he was stunned by a loud boom and found a trip wire around his leg.
Boner Candidate #3: OH, HE DID IT MORE THAN TWICE.
57-year-old Louisiana man Michael Mastin, a government employee in Baton Rouge, has been arrested and charged with criminal damage to critical infrastructure and contaminating water supplies after he was caught on video urinating in a water treatment supply two different times. Authorities have assured local residents that the water is safe for use, but they are not sure if he has done this more than twice because security footage only goes back 30 days. Mastin was fired just several hours after his arrest.
