!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #1: HIS CONGREGATION MIGHT HAVE SUSPECTED SOMETHING WHEN THE PASTOR STARTED WEARING A $10,000 DOLLAR WATCH.
A Louisiana Pastor has been convicted for stealing over $340,000 from his congregations. Dale Sanders was as a pastor at the Fifth African Baptist Church in New Orleans and Second New Guide Missionary Baptist Church in Metairie. Sanders withdrew funds held in the church’s bank accounts and transferred them to his own. Sanders used the money for luxury personal expenses, including gambling, dining, and living expenses. He also used a church debit card for personal transactions. The pastor even provided a fake record in response to a subpoena. After Sanders was indicted, he posted a video to his social media accounts asking his congregants to “pray” for his “enemy.” “And believe this,” Sanders said. “I feel your prayers. God is already working and moving by his Spirit.”
Boner Candidate #2: THAT ITCH HAD TO BE SCRATCHED
A video of a woman scratching her fungus covered foot with a fork while publicly dining on a Carnival Cruise has gone viral, racking up a whopping 6.7 million views on TikTok. The saga continued when the original poster reported the incident to guest services and spoke with the captain. In an Instagram post, Carnival responded to the video. The post reads, “Hi Carnival cruisers. We can confirm that forks are intended for food, not foot care. Once we became aware of the situation, our team quickly addressed it with the guest and removed the utensil from service.” While the cruise line appears to have disabled comments on the post, it’s garnered 30.6K likes. “I’m bringing my own silverware to restaurants from now on lol,” said a commenter.
Boner Candidate #3: 13 LITTLE BABY ZOMBIES
Thirteen young children, ages 10 to 13, became sick at a Y.M.C.A summer camp after eating psychedelic edibles. One of the campers at the East Orange, New Jersey, Y.M.C.A. shared the some chocolate with other children without the “knowledge or consent” of the organization. The chocolates were laced with magic mushrooms. Employees had contacted emergency medical services, the police, and parents as soon as they noticed the children having “adverse reactions.” Destany Yasmina said she heard that her 11-year-old son had consumed edibles before noon. Her son has a number of medical conditions, including cerebral palsy, epilepsy and anxiety. When she arrived she found her son in near psychosis, shaking, saying, “I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die.” The other children looked dehydrated and had pale white lips. Emergency medical workers had rushed her son to a hospital because of his worryingly high blood pressure. Once there, it became clear that he was actively hallucinating. Her son has returned home, but his mom says his anxiety has grown worse since taking the edibles.
