Boner Candidate #1: SHE POPPED A SQUAT AND SHOWED HER SHINY REAR END
A woman who was boating in Florida has been caught trespassing on camera. This case is unusual because the culprit is prowling to go pee. The Sheriff Grady Judd, had this to say, “What if somebody stopped their car or their boat and walked up into your yard and started doing the number one thing or the number two thing in your hedges? Help us identify this lady. She’s gone into the side yard, into the hedge area, and she’s popped a squat, and showed us her shiny rear end while she goes to the bathroom in these people’s hedges.” Polk county authorities are asking anyone with info to come forward.
Boner Candidate #2: SOON THEY WILL BAN RAINBOW SPRINKLES ON SUGAR COOKIES.
A Wisconsin elementary school has torched the song “Rainbowland” by Dolly Parton & Miley Cyrus as well as the song “Rainbow Connection” from The Muppet Movie. Lyrics for the song Rainbowland are anything but sultry. “Wouldn’t it be nice to live in paradise / Where we’re free to be exactly who we are,” additionally “Let’s all dig down deep inside / Brush the judgment and fear aside.” are just some of the lyrics. A parent said, “All that Miley and Dolly are saying is that they want to live in a world that is accepting, with no judgment and where people can be who they want to be.”
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S HIS FIRST AMMENDMENT RIGHT TO USE THE PRISON PHONE FOR SEXY TALK WITH MINORS.
Leader of a Polygamous sect, Samuel Bateman, was recorded using prison phones for his implicit dirty talk to an underage girl. The judge has now limited communications for the self appointed prophet. Bateman used to be a follower of the notorious Warren Jeffs who is now serving life in prison for his crimes against children. Samuel was telling his followers that Warren is now dead, and that he is now the chosen prophet. His followers call themselves, “Samuelites.” Samuel Bateman was originally arrested in Arizona during a traffic stop, where they found 3 girls in a box trailer he was towing.
