Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for November 1st, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: WHEN YOU THINK YOU WANT TRUMP TO STEP DOWN, REMEMBER

After the deadly shooting at a Pittsburgh synagogue over the weekend, local communities have been banding together to show support and give comfort to the victims and their families. That includes Muslim-led interfaith fundraising and statements of solidarity. The White House, on the other hand, has had a less supportive and more chaotic response. Donald Trump—who tacitly eggs on anti-Semitism with his talk of globalist conspiracies and the menace of George Soros—reportedly had to be convinced by his daughter and son-in-law to formally condemn violence against Jewish people. Kellyanne Conway tried to all-lives-matter the shooting by telling Fox & Friends it was inspired by “anti-religiousity” fueled by late-night comics.

Boner Candidate #2: ANOTHER CARING TRUMP ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL

Twitter users were appalled on Wednesday when an official with the Department of Health and Human Services decided to celebrate Halloween by tweeting an insensitive joke about Medicare. Seema Verma, the administrator of the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, which falls under HHS, joked on Twitter that the “scariest Halloween costume” would be a shirt championing “Medicare for all.” The rate of uninsured U.S. adults ages 19 to 64 has risen from 12.7 percent in 2016 to 15.5 percent in 2018, according to the health care foundation Commonwealth Fund. Roughly 4 million people lost coverage in the last two years, likely as a result of the Trump administration’s efforts to undermine the Affordable Care Act, the foundation said. The uninsured rate is particularly high among lower-income adults — those living well below the poverty line, making roughly $30,000 for an individual and $61,000 for a family of four.

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Boner Candidate #3: THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN LAST YEAR WHEN HE HANDED OUT TIC TACS

Always beware of trying to be a little too cute with handing out treats on Halloween because, in a time of political division, there’s a line between political statement and just giving candy to kids.  South Carolina congressman Mark Sanford is being roasted across the internet on Wednesday after he shared an image of what he says he’ll be handing out to trick-or-treaters. That’s right — pocket constitutions.  This is, without a doubt, the most boring “treat” to be handed out since I had a neighbor that handed out Chick Tracts to the kids on my street. And the internet conducted a digital drive-by egging on Sanford for such Halloween tickery. If Sanford’s name rings a bell to some, it’s because in 2009, when he was the governor of South Carolina, he literally disappeared for several days. No one, not even his wife, could locate him. Though he claimed to be hiking the Appalachian Trail, it turns out he was really having an affair in Argentina.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: HO HUM.

A UK bad boy will be doing some adult time — and he “couldn’t care less.” Baby-faced Kash Parkinson stretched out and yawned as he was handed down a four-year prison sentence Tuesday at Manchester’s Minshull Street Crown Court, the Manchester Evening News reported. The 18-year-old was slapped with the sentence after running over a police officer during a chase in a stolen Ford Fiesta. During the hearing for the 5-foot-2 punk, the court heard how Parkinson racked up 47 previous convictions for 77 crimes starting from the young age of 11. His arrest record includes busts for assaulting police officers two times, as well as robbery and theft of vehicles, according to the news outlet.

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Boner Candidate #2: PLEASE DON’T VOTE FOR DAD

The children of a Republican candidate for the Missouri House of Representatives — who once crowed that “Hitler was right” — are begging constituents: Don’t vote for our anti-Semitic, racist, homophobic dad. The candidate, Steve West, openly shares his bonkers conspiracy theorist views, including that “Jewish cabals” are “harvesting baby parts” through Planned Parenthood, on his morning radio show called “The Hard Truth with Jack Justice,” according to the Kansas City Star. The 64-year-old is seeking election to the Missouri General Assembly after winning the August primary for District 15 — a political aspiration that his children are having a hard time fathoming. “I can’t imagine him being in any level of government,” his daughter, Emily West, told the newspaper Monday. “A lot of his views are just very out there. He’s made multiple comments that are racist and homophobic and how he doesn’t like the Jews.”

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Boner Candidate #3: I WENT DOWN INTO THE WELL TO SAY I DID IT AND TO SAY I COULD GET OUT OF THE WELL.

Well, that didn’t turn out very well. Volusia County Fire Rescue had to rescue a man out of a 30-foot deep well in DeLand after he climbed into it and couldn’t get back out.“He wanted to go down the well just to say that he did it and get out of it. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the strength to get out of it,” said Scott Smoak, battalion chief with Volusia County Fire Rescue.The department called in its technical rescue team, which is specially trained to work in confined spaces and with ropes. The team spent more than an hour working in the dark to get the man out around 2 a.m. on Wednesday – Halloween morning. The team got the man out with just a few bumps and bruises. “Luckily he was awake, he was conscious, he was talking to us the whole time,” Smoak said. Smoak said he is thankful that the operation was successful.

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