WINNER!
Boner Candidate #1: Perfect Fashion Choice
A former police officer has three counts of pandering sexually oriented material involving a minor, three counts of illegal use of a minor in nudity-oriented material, one count of gross sexual imposition and one count of pandering obscenity involving a minor. They decided that wearing a DILF shirt to court would make the most since. It is an acronym after all, which stands for Devoted, Involved, Loving, Father. Geoffrey Parker, 34, has pled guilty to all charges. Akron Police Chief Brian Harding said, “I am sickened to learn of these charges against one of our employees.”
Boner Candidate #2: Can’t You Just Eat Normal For a Day?
A mother invites her newly married son over for dinner, but decides not to prepare for his vegan wife. According an anonymous post on Reddit, “She and my mom [have] never really gotten along. I always hoped things would get better after the marriage. Now, my wife is a vegan. She was a vegetarian before but switched to vegan a couple months ago. My mom KNOWS she’s a vegan. My mom said she could just pick the shrimp out of the jambalaya and eat the salad. I told her that’s not how it works,” he writes. “Then she she starts insisting the veggie soup was fine. I pointed out that it wasn’t vegan because of the chicken broth. My wife said no but she doesn’t mind just having the salad but I knew she was just trying to save the day and was fed up with how my mom was treating her, so I thanked my mom and told her we were leaving.”
Boner Candidate #3: It happens more often than you think
A woman was hospitalized for attempting to use a bottle of nail glue as eye drops. Brianne Shipley, 31, claims she was half asleep when her smart device told her its time to apply eye drops, so that what she attempted to do. Brianne stated, “After I got the notification, I blindly reached over, grabbed the bottle, opened my eye with one hand and put the drops in. As the drop was falling I realized the consistency of the plastic bottle felt wrong. As soon as it hit my eye, I started screaming. Flushing it with water did provide a little relief and did release the eye — it had initially been glued shut. The doctors and nurses were very helpful, and immediately numbed it with eye drops. I was so embarrassed when I got to the hospital but the doctor told me this happens a lot more than you think.”
