Boner Candidate #1: KINKI KELLI
24 year old Kelli Tedford was sentenced to six months in jail after pleading guilty to six misdemeanor counts of criminal mischief in Keene, New Hampshire. She filmed herself urinating on food at a grocery store and on items at a Marriott hotel, allegedly for her OnlyFans subscribers. Tedford must serve 180 days, pay over $11,000 in restitution, and complete two years of probation.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS SELF DEFENSE
The Trump White House admitted to launching a second military strike on survivors of a destroyed boat in the Caribbean, establishing a policy where “clinging to wreckage” justifies a lethal attack. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt defended the follow-up attack, which the article labels a war crime, as necessary “to ensure safety.” The Pentagon is blaming Admiral Bradley for the strike, citing a “kill everybody” directive from “War” Secretary Pete Hegseth, while maintaining the action was “legal.”
Boner Candidate #3: COUGARS FOR MANGIONE
A fervent fan movement has emerged around Luigi Mangione, the 27-year-old accused of murdering UnitedHealthcare’s CEO, with supporters camping outside court and framing him as a folk hero protesting a broken healthcare system. Many admirers, driven by personal grievances with insurance companies, have raised money, created merchandise, and packed his pretrial hearings despite widespread condemnation of celebrating violence. The case has sparked debate among psychologists, ethicists, and the public about moral boundaries, political extremism, and how online communities can fuel black-and-white thinking. As the hearings continue, Mangione’s most devoted followers treat each court appearance like a cultural event, interpreting his clothing and letters for hidden messages.
