Boner Candidate #1: I’M VOTING FOR THE LECTERN GUY
Adam Johnson, who became infamous for carrying Nancy Pelosi’s podium during the Jan. 6 Capitol riot, has filed to run as a Republican for an at-large seat on the Manatee County Commission in Florida. He intentionally announced his candidacy on the riot’s anniversary, using the viral image of himself with the podium as his campaign logo and calling the timing a way to generate attention. Johnson pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor related to the riot, served 75 days in prison, and has since downplayed his actions while expressing regret mainly over the sentence. His run reflects a broader trend of individuals connected to Jan. 6 seeking office, as he campaigns in a heavily Republican county on issues like property taxes and development.
Boner Candidate #2: YEAH, RIGHT DONALD…THE WHITE MAN HAS A TOUGH GO OF IT.
President Trump said in a New York Times interview that civil rights–era protections led to “reverse discrimination,” arguing that white people, particularly white men, were treated unfairly by policies such as affirmative action. His comments reflect the administration’s broader view that white Americans have become the primary victims of discrimination and underpin its aggressive effort to dismantle diversity, equity and inclusion policies. The administration has moved quickly to weaken enforcement of the Civil Rights Act and repurpose the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission to encourage discrimination complaints from white men. Civil rights leaders and former E.E.O.C. officials strongly dispute Trump’s claims, saying there is no evidence that civil rights laws harmed white men and warning that the agency is being used to undermine protections for historically marginalized groups.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS DELIVERY MAN HASN’T BEEN TO TREVOR’S HOUSE IN A LONG TIME.
A Utah Republican lawmaker, Rep. Trevor Lee, has proposed legislation that would bar undocumented immigrants from receiving most state-run benefits, including vaccinations, food assistance for pregnant women and children, housing aid and health programs. The bill would require applicants to prove legal status and could also roll back health coverage under CHIP for children of undocumented parents, though emergency services and benefits for U.S.-born children would remain intact. Lee argues the measure is needed to prioritize citizens and discourage undocumented immigrants from settling in Utah, even as he acknowledges it could affect public health efforts and add administrative costs. Democrats and advocacy groups have condemned the proposal as cruel and harmful, warning it would endanger vulnerable families, complicate disease prevention and create fear that keeps eligible people from seeking help.
