Boner Candidate #1: HE WAS SIMPLY EXACTING U.S. POSTAL SERVICE JUSTICE.
A USPS driver, William White, was arrested in Escambia County, Florida, after allegedly attempting to run over a 10-year-old with his vehicle. The incident occurred when White mistakenly delivered a package to the wrong address, and when the child tried to return it, White believed he was stealing it and drove towards him, running over the child’s scooter. White was charged with aggravated assault, criminal mischief, and petit theft after a family member confronted him, and he was later arrested on December 31.
Boner Candidate #2: SHE AND THE FAMILY WERE TRYING TO GET TO CHURCH ON TIME
A 22-year-old woman was arrested in Millard County, Utah, after a trooper clocked her speeding at 112 mph on I-15 early Sunday morning. When pulled over, the woman explained she was rushing home with her family to make it to church, admitting she knew she was driving at 110 mph. She was charged with reckless driving and four counts of reckless endangerment for putting her passengers at risk.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: LET’S BAN ALL THE BOOKS…AND THEN CLEANSE THE LIBRARIES WITH LYSOL FOR GOOD MEASURE.
The Utah State Board of Education announced on January 5, 2026, that three more books have been banned from public schools, including Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. The bans bring the total number of prohibited books in Utah public schools to 22, as part of a law passed in 2024 aimed at removing “objective sensitive material.” Wicked reimagines The Wizard of Oz from the perspective of the Wicked Witch, while Nineteen Minutes addresses the aftermath of a school shooting, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower explores themes of mental health and trauma. Authors of the banned books, including Picoult and Chbosky, have spoken out against censorship, arguing their works provide important insights and support for young readers.
