!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #1: IN THIS WHITE HOUSE, CRISTOPHER COLUMBUS IS A HERO.
A new statue of Christopher Columbus has been installed outside the Eisenhower Executive Office Building on the White House grounds, reflecting efforts by the Trump administration to restore monuments removed after the 2020 protests. The statue is a replica of one toppled in Baltimore during demonstrations following the George Floyd protests and includes recovered fragments from the original. While supporters frame it as a celebration of Italian American heritage, critics note Columbus remains a controversial figure for his role in colonization and treatment of Indigenous people.
Boner Candidate #2: SO, YEAH….I GOT THE SPIDER.
Minnesota political candidate Marisa Simonetti was convicted of assault and harassment after throwing a live tarantula at her tenant, Jacklyn Vasquez, during an escalating dispute in June 2024. Prosecutors said Simonetti harassed the tenant by cutting internet access, making noise, and forcing entry, while she admitted using the spider as a tactic inspired by the film Home Alone. She now faces sentencing on May 1 while continuing a political campaign as an independent candidate for U.S. Senate.
Boner Candidate #3: NO RESPECT FOR THE PAST…NO RESPECT FOR ANYTHING
The Grand County Sheriff’s Office is investigating vandalism at an ancient petroglyph site near Moab, where a rock wall was defaced with markings believed to be linked to a Baja race team. Authorities say the damage threatens fragile cultural artifacts that provide insight into Indigenous history and are difficult or impossible to restore once altered. Officials are asking the public to report any information that could help identify those responsible for the incident.
