Boner Candidate #1: OKAY. OKAY. MAYBE I AM A BITER BUT I’M NO ANTI-SEMITE
A: A woman has accused Puka Nacua of making an antisemitic remark and biting her and her friend during a New Year’s Eve event, according to a legal filing seeking a restraining order. Nacua denies the allegation about the comment through his attorney, who said others present did not hear it and described the biting as “horseplay.” A judge denied the temporary restraining order, but a court hearing on the matter is scheduled for April 14th.
B: In a newly released video obtained by TMZ shows Puka Nacua dancing near him while he appeared passed out in a van on New Year’s Eve, with sources claiming the footage was taken after the alleged biting incident. The woman, identified as Madison Atiabi, has filed a police report and lawsuit stating that Nacua bit her shoulder, causing injury and emotional distress, and also accused him of making an antisemitic remark earlier that night. Nacua’s side has acknowledged the biting but described it as horseplay, while firmly denying the alleged comment and citing witnesses who say it was never said.
Boner Candidate #2: IF YOU DO GOOD I’LL GIVE YOU A TOMAHAWK
Former Border Patrol official Greg Bovino, who was recently removed from his leadership role after a deadly immigration enforcement operation, was revealed in legal testimony to have both used dehumanizing language toward undocumented migrants and claimed Native American identity without tribal registration. The testimony, stemming from a 2018 discrimination lawsuit, highlighted his admissions of calling migrants filth, trash, and scum alongside his assertion of minority status. Colleagues and officials described Bovino as unprofessional and divisive, reinforcing concerns about his conduct within the agency.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: THESE TWO ARE CLEARLY A TERRORISTIC PUBLIC THREAT.
A Murray father and his 7-year-old daughter traveled to Colombia to complete her U.S. residency process, but her visa was unexpectedly denied, leaving them stranded. U.S. officials cited a 2025 executive order aimed at blocking security threats, though the family’s attorney argues it was wrongly applied to a young child. Now stuck in Bogotá, the family is seeking help from lawmakers and pleading for an exception so the girl can return home to Utah.
