Boner Candidate #1: IT’S ONE FOR THE MONEY, TWO FOR THE SHOW, THREE TO GET READY NOW GO JUDGE, GO.
A Missouri judicial conduct commission recommended suspension and resignation for Judge Matthew E.P. Thornhill after finding that he sometimes wore an Elvis wig, played Elvis songs, and recited lyrics while presiding in court. Thornhill, the longest-serving circuit judge in St. Charles County, is known for his fondness for Elvis and quirky personal hobbies. Court documents indicate he has agreed to step down after nearly two decades on the bench, pending Missouri Supreme Court approval.
Boner Candidate #2: PATRIOTS IN THE PARK FOR MDGA DAY
A Southern California conservative group called the 805 Patriots is organizing an unsanctioned “MAGA Invasion” event at Disneyland scheduled for February 28, 2026. The group encourages attendees to wear MAGA hats and special “Make Disney Great Again” merchandise but warns them not to bring flags, which the park prohibits. According to the organizers, the event aims both to unite like-minded conservatives and to “trigger liberals” while visiting the park. Disneyland is not affiliated with the gathering and maintains the right to deny entry for dress-code or rule violations, especially as another unofficial event, Mini Gay Days, is planned for the same date.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: HER ACCOMPLICE GOOGLED ‘ZIP TIES NEAR ME.’
A former New Jersey congressional staffer, Natalie Greene, has been charged with staging a violent attack on herself that she falsely claimed was politically motivated. Prosecutors say Greene and a friend orchestrated the fake assault, during which she was tied up, cut, and marked with anti-Trump messages before the friend called 911. Investigators uncovered zip ties, duct tape, and evidence on her phone linking her to a body-modification artist whose work matched her injuries. Greene allegedly repeated the false story to police and FBI agents, but the evidence contradicted her claims. She has been released on a $200,000 bond while her attorney emphasizes that she remains presumed innocent.
