Boner Candidate #1: THIS COULD BE A GREAT NEW AD CAMPAIGN FOR STANLEY BRAND CUPS.
A woman in Florida was arrested for stealing her co-workers Stanley Cup with the intention of using it to store breast milk. Arianna Moss worked as a supervisor at Highland Recreation Center in Largo, where she stole the cup valued at $60. Before the theft, a witness reported Moss saying, “this cup would be great to hold my breast milk.” Moss was seen on security camera footage taking the item and hiding it inside of her lunchbox before leaving. She has now agreed to a pre-trial intervention where she will complete a shoplifting awareness course and pay a fine. The PTI agreement states that admitting responsibility “is the first step in rehabilitation.”
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #2: THAT’S WHAT 60 MINUTES NEEDS, LESS BRAIN…MORE BRAWN
CBS is considering Joe Rogan as a potential replacement to Anderson Cooper on the newsmagazine show, ’60 Minutes’. Sources say CBS is looking to strengthen its team, and ratings, by introducing the conservative podcaster. Joe Rogan’s podcast reportedly draws about 11-million daily listeners. A television industry insider said, “It’s strategy. Rogan opens a direct pipeline to the massive MAGA audience CBS has struggled to reach for years.” The potential move has erupted in the public eye and inside networks for its controversial nature. A veteran producer warns, “It’s a gamble. Rogan isn’t traditional broadcast talent, he’s raw, unscripted, and polarizing. That could either electrify 60 Minutes or blow it up.” Traditionalists fear the show’s polished style could clash with Rogan’s boisterous personality.
Boner Candidate #3: TRUMP WILL UNDOUBTEDLY APPOINT THIS GUY TO A CABINET POSITION.
Ryan Fournier, podcast host and co-founder of Students for Trump, has been arrested for domestic violence and assault. The incident occurred when the victim, an unnamed woman who had been dating Fournier, was in town to visit him. She reports trying to wake up Fournier, who had been passed out on the floor, intoxicated. When Fournier woke up, he began to swing at the victim with closed fists and pinned her down while yelling, “I’ll kill everyone here.” A witness reported being in another room when the altercation started, but had heard Fournier yelling threats. The witness found the couple and saw Fournier swinging a handheld vacuum at the victim. They attempted to separate the two, before ultimately resining to hiding in the bathroom with the victim. The victim and witness hid in the bathroom while they called 911. According to them, Fournier left the apartment and returned roughly half an hour later, where he was arrested.
