Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for February 1st, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: YOU GOTTA LET ME WEAR MY EYE PATCH.

Three members of a family wanted in Indiana have been arrested in Milton, Kentucky. The Jennings County Sheriff says a tip led them to 55-year-old Darrell Brazee, 52-year-old Pamela Brazee, and 23-year-old Tosha Brazee, who were taken into custody at their apartment by Kentucky State Police. Darrell and Pamela Brazee are both wanted on federal drug charges of methamphetamine possession. Darrell is also facing a felony nuisance charge. Tosha Brazee has a felony fraud charge.  The three are awaiting extradition in the Carroll County jail.

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Boner Candidate #2: I AM THE MOST HATED HOE IN LA

A South Los Angeles woman who called herself “the most hated hoe in L.A.” and admitted to coercing young women, including minors, into sex trafficking through violence and intimidation received a sentence of 15 years in federal prison Thursday, authorities said. This image from the Instagram account @prettyhoeforever was posted on Sept. 24, 2018. The account has the description line: “The MOST HATED hoe in LA.” Melanie Denae Williams received the mandatory minimum sentence after pleading guilty in November to a single count of sex trafficking by force, fraud or coercion, according the the U.S. Attorney’s Office. She will also be required to pay restitution to her victims.

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU LITTLE CHEATER.

There was a group gasp when singer Kelsy Karter revealed that she’d had a Harry Styles tattoo, on her face, but that wonderment has turned to anger now that the truth is out. It would have been a big revelation if it had turned out to be a real tattoo but there has been a huge backlash towards Kelsy, now that it has been revealed as fake and part of a marketing campaign. The 24-year-old has unveiled that the tattoo was a promotional stunt for a new Harry Styles inspired song, in an Instagram post to her 78,000 followers.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I DID SLIP ON THE ICE. I DID.

A New Jersey man was arrested after he allegedly faked a slip-and-fall so he could file an insurance claim. Alexander Goldinsky, 57, was caught on video throwing ice on the floor in the cafeteria at his workplace and then doing a “a fake slip and fall,” Middlesex County Prosecutor Andrew Carey said. He waited until he was found and filed a false insurance claim for the ambulance service and treatment he received at a local hospital. “Fraudulent claims cost everyone and we will aggressively prosecute those who illegally manipulate the system,” Carey said. Goldinsk was charged with one count of insurance fraud in the third degree and one count of theft by deception in the third degree following his Jan. 15 arrest.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE HAVE TO GIVE HER SOME POINTS FOR CREATIVITY

A teenage girl stole a pizza delivery driver’s car early Wednesday morning in Lehigh Acres, deputies said. Josie Bigelow, 14, is accused of stealing the driver’s car as he was outside completing a delivery to a house at 2501 3rd Street Southwest shortly after midnight. The driver, identified as 49-year-old Christopher Cook, told deputies he saw a person come out from the woods as he was walking to the house’s front door. The person then got into his car and drove through the front yard and along a canal before getting away. Eventually, an aviation unit spotted the car pull into a driveway on Sebring Circle, according to an incident report. That’s where deputies found Bigelow, about six miles away from where the car was taken. The girl’s father said his daughter ordered the pizza so she could steal the driver’s car to visit her boyfriend. However, the house where she parked the car was not her boyfriend’s.

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Boner Candidate #3: THAT’S THE MAYOR ALL RIGHT. THERE’S NEVER ANY FOLLOW THROUGH.

A mayor in southeast Alaska received a 10-day suspended jail sentence after pleading guilty to soliciting prostitution. The Ketchikan Daily News reports 36-year-old Lawrence Armour pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor charge Wednesday in court on Prince of Wales Island. According to court documents, the Klawock mayor sent $400 to a woman on New Year’s Day, asking her to come to his residence for sex. Ketchikan District Attorney Timothy McGillicuddy told the court that the woman took the money but “no follow-through conduct” occurred. Armour told the court that he went to emergency counseling and is planning to enter a treatment program. He also was sentenced to six months of probation and fined $1,000 with the half the amount suspended.

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