Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for October 4th, 2018

Round One:

Boner Candidate #1: WHY MUST THE HATERS PROTEST OUR HITLER ORGY ROOM?

Video footage takes you inside the room in the Villa Love Hotel which is said to be extremely popular among swingers and randy groups looking for orgies. Two giant images of Hitler stand either side of one bed, as a massive swastika hides behind a TV. But strangely, above the bed, the Communist hammer and sickle can be seen mounted on the wall, lighting up the whole room.  The resort, located near Bangkok, Thailand, has sparked outrage, particularly among the Jewish community, for its lack of historical knowledge and sensitivity. “This is truly awful. It’s horrendous, absolutely disgusting,” Efraim Zuroff, from a leading international campaign group in Los Angeles said. “It shows a complete lack of knowledge and education about Hitler, the harm he causes and the horrifying crimes that he committed in World War Two.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS JUST A JOKE. THEY WERE DEAD ANYWAY.

A former Pennsylvania funeral director was sentenced Wednesday after she pleaded guilty to taking photos with bodies as they were being prepared for burial. Angeliegha “Angel” Stewart pleaded guilty in Monroe County court to 16 counts of abuse of a corpse. She will spend the next ten years on probation. Investigators say last year, Stewart snapped images of bodies at the Lanterman and Allen Funeral Home in East Stroudsburg as they were being prepared for burial, then showed them to friends as a joke. One photo showed a corpse whose organs had been removed. Another showed a body covered in maggots. Stewart admitted to showing the pictures to her friends to, “gross them out.”

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Boner Candidate #3: I REALLY WANT TO BE HOMECOMING QUEEN.

The term “higher education” is taking on a new meaning in Van Buren County after police say a cheerleader allegedly brought some pot-laced brownies to school. Hartford Police can’t recall anything like this ever happening in their town. They say that the student, a 17-year-old female, gave those brownies to some athletes at the school. The brownies were included inside goodie bags for the football team during Homecoming week, according to WXMI. “The principal mentioned they were getting some tips in about some possible brownies that may have been laced with marijuana oil,” said Michael Prince, a patrolman for the Hartford Police Department. Prince says the high school got a tip through the OK2Say app which allows people to submit information anonymously. The tip alleged a 17-year-old cheerleader brought pot brownies to school, some for football players.

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Round Two:

Boner Candidate #1: WE’RE GONNA TAKE THEM ROOSKIES OUT.

The United States ambassador to NATO nearly set off a diplomatic incident on Tuesday when she suggested that the United States might “take out” Russian missiles that it views in violation of a longstanding arms control treaty. Before the end of the day she was forced to issue a statement saying she did not mean to suggest that Washington was considering a pre-emptive strike against Russian missile sites. The ambassador, Kay Bailey Hutchison, the former longtime Republican senator from Texas, made the comments during a news conference in Brussels. Her threat was ambiguous: It was not clear if she meant that the United States would consider blowing up the missiles on the launchpad or intercepting them, with antimissile defense, after a launch.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS LIKE ONE BIG BACHELOR PARTY.

Royal Caribbean International is refunding passengers after a group of reportedly rowdy conference attendees – along with scantily clad burlesque dancers and women dressed as Playboy bunnies – turned the other passengers’ dream vacation into a nightmare last month.  Around 1,300 employees from the Indian company Kamla Pasand boarded the Voyager of the Seas ship in Sydney for a conference being held on the cruise liner. However, once the employees were onboard, the conference reportedly took a backseat to their partying. According to The Sun, passengers reported that the group “hijacked” the cruise by taking over pool decks, bars and buffets. They also paraded dancers and women dressed as Playboy bunnies around to perform and party on the deck.

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

An off-duty cop is in hot water after picking up a prostitute in Brooklyn and leaving her in his still-running car — his service weapon on the front seat — while he stopped to get cash for their rendezvous, law enforcement sources told The Post. The hooker allegedly saw a golden opportunity when Officer Ali Sheppard got out of his 2015 Jeep Wrangler to hit the ATM, just after midnight Tuesday — she got behind the wheel and drove off, the sources said.  And while police have since caught the lady of the night and recovered Sheppard’s vehicle, the lusty lawman’s Smith & Wesson pistol is still in the wind, sources say. Even Sheppard’s father couldn’t believe his 38-year-old son — a US Army vet whose been a cop the last 13 years — could be such a bonehead. “You’ve got to be f–ing kidding me,” stunned dad Eugene Sheppard said from his home in Brownsville that he shares with his cop son.

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