Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for September 25th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: I WILL NOT. I DRIVE A PRIUS.

A Washington State Patrol trooper got more than he bargained for when he tried to pull over a woman from Olympia for expired tabs. The trooper spotted a white hatchback Toyota Prius southbound on I-5 through Marysville Wednesday evening. But when the trooper turned on his emergency lights, the driver “made no reasonable attempt to pull over,” according to the arrest report. She drove about a mile before leaving I-5 and stopping at an intersection. The trooper then told her over the loudspeaker to get off the road. She stayed put. The trooper then approached the driver’s side window and told her again to move off the road. She allegedly said she would not stop until she reached the Bank of America parking lot.

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Boner Candidate #2:BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS, THAT’S WHY.

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) said on Monday that a new sexual misconduct allegation against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh is “phony.” “You’re going to have these phony accusations,” Hatch told reporters when asked if Deborah Ramirez, a woman accusing Kavanaugh of exposing himself to her while at Yale, should be forced to testify before senators. Asked how he knew the allegation was “phony,” Hatch said, “because I know it is, that’s why.” The New Yorker reported on Sunday night that Senate Democrats are investigating a second sexual misconduct allegation dating back to Kavanaugh’s freshman year at Yale University. Ramirez says Kavanaugh exposed himself in front of her during a gathering at Yale. She told The New Yorker that Kavanaugh thrust his penis in her face, causing her to touch it without her consent.

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Boner Candidate #3: NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

A North Carolina woman was arrested Friday after 27 dogs and cats she took in during Hurricane Florence were confiscated from her shelter, investigators revealed. Tammie Hedges, founder of Crazy’s Claws N Paws animal rescue, has been charged with practicing veterinary medicine without a license. She’s also charged with soliciting a donation of tramadol, a prescription painkiller sometimes used for dogs and cats. Hedges said she gave amoxicillin to some sick animals, and also used a topical antibiotic ointment. Hedges told the News-Argus of Goldsboro that she felt she had to help the animals brought to her during the storm.  Flooding expected to get worse in Brunswick County, North Carolina. Bryan Llenas has the story. “The owners got to evacuate. They got to save themselves. But who’s going to save those animals? That’s what we did,” Hedges said. “We saved them.” “Our mission was to save as many animals from the flood that we could,” Hedges added. In a statement, Wayne County officials said animal control officers had “serious concern regarding the practice of veterinary medicine without a license and the presence of controlled substances.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: PEOPLE ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS CRAP.

 

 

 

 

 

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Boner Candidate #2:WHO HASN’T WANTED TO PISTOL WHIP SOMEONE BECAUSE OF A BRUNO MARS SONG?

 A man in Indiana was jailed over the weekend after he was accused of reaching for his handgun instead of his Shazam app to end a dispute with his longtime friends over a Bruno Mars song. Roger D. Washburn, 71, is facing a charge of battery after the Friday night incident at his home in Greenwood, Ind. The investigation began when a man told officials from the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office that he and another man were hanging out with Washburn on Friday night. The man told police that they have all been friends for 50 years. The man said they were all talking when an argument broke out over a song and its artist. The man said the song they were debating was sung by Bruno Mars, but Washburn said that it wasn’t. When the man showed Washburn proof that it was indeed a Bruno Mars song, the argument grew more intense. He told police that they both stood up and continued to argue until Washburn pulled a gun on him. The man said he responded to the brandished weapon by calling Washburn a “chicken (expletive)” and Washburn swung the weapon at him, striking the man in the face and arm.

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Boner Candidate #3: THEY CAN HELP OUT IN CASE I GET TOO TIRE TO DRIVE.

A school bus driver in Indiana was fired after a shocking video emerged showing her let students get behind the wheel, according to reports. Joandrea McAtee, 27, faces charges for allowing kids as young as 11 years old drive the bus as they dropped off students Thursday from a Porter Township school, according to the Chicago Tribune. The Porter County Sheriff’s Department said at least three students got a turn driving short distances in Lake Eliza. “Welcome to Boone grove where we let 6th graders drive a bus with children on it,” a student posted to Twitter, along with a video of the alleged incident. Authorities launched an investigation Thursday after a parent reported the bus driver to the school resource officer.

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