Boners

Boner Candidate Preview August 1, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: MOTHER OF THE YEAR

A Des Moines mother is in the Polk County Jail after police say she showed up drunk to a bar with her two-year-old daughter to bar. Police say they responded to the area of Miss V’s Honky Tonk Island Bar at 1833 Hubbell Avenue just before 3:30 p.m. Wednesday after a call from a bartender about 25-year-old Mary Jane Carpenter. Officials say Carpenter was intoxicated when she arrived at the bar with her child. Witness says the toddler was running around the bar and rolling on the dirty floor.

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Boner Candidate #2: I AIN’T COOKING FOR NO COP

Restaurant Noodles & Company confirmed Thursday they’ve fire two employees after they refused to serve a police officer from the Alexandria Police Department.

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Boner Candidate #3: MAKING SURE THEY DON’T HAVE PANTS KEEPS THEM IN LINE

A Louisville judge, Amber Wolf, becomes visibly and emotionally upset, once she discovers that a black female defendant was brought into her courtroom without wearing pants. On the courtroom video, the defendant is heard stating that she was arrested in Fayette County (metro-Lexington area) approximately 2-3 days prior. It is unclear whether she was wearing pants at the time of her arrest but the woman claims that she was denied pants and any personal hygiene products by the staff at the Louisville Metro Department of Corrections – despite numerous requests.

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Boner Candidate #4: I SAID THE N WORD BECAUSE I HAD PERSONAL STRUGGLES

There she is, Miss Teen USA, and there are all her racist tweets. The pageant, already under fire for its lack of diversity among its finalists, was hit with another scandal after their newly crowned queen’s resurfaced Twitter posts showed her constantly using the N-word. Within minutes of winning the Teen USA title on Saturday night in Las Vegas, Karlie Hay’s social media history came back to haunt her, in posts from 2013 to 2014.

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Boner Candidate #5: NO, WE ARE NOT “ALL ONE CLICK AWAY.”

Draymond Green’s long summer of cock and balls-related controversy—he kneed Steven Adams in the dick, swiped at LeBron’s dick, and acted like a dick—continues unabated. Earlier today, amidst pictures of Melo sleeping and general Team USA shenanigans, an artfully crafted dick pic showed up on Green’s public Snapchat My Story, before swiftly being deleted.

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Boner Candidate #6: SAY, WHAT’S GOING ON BEHIND YOU?

A 7-Eleven thief was captured on live TV yet the journalist wasn’t telling his story. She spoke of the rescue of a missing girl yet missed an opportunity right under her nose.

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