Boners

Boner Candidate Preview August 2nd, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I SAID THE N WORD BECAUSE I HAD PERSONAL STRUGGLES

There she is, Miss Teen USA, and there are all her racist tweets. The pageant, already under fire for its lack of diversity among its finalists, was hit with another scandal after their newly crowned queen’s resurfaced Twitter posts showed her constantly using the N-word. Within minutes of winning the Teen USA title on Saturday night in Las Vegas, Karlie Hay’s social media history came back to haunt her, in posts from 2013 to 2014.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT’S GETTING SO A MAN CAN’T OPENLY CARRY HIS DEAD BADGER ANYMORE

There’s being upset at being asked to leave a fast food place. And then there’s being so upset that you start waving your dead badger around, slapping it into cars parked outside. We don’t recommend the latter. But that’s exactly what happened at a McDonald’s restaurant in Falköping, 120 kilometres north-east of Gothenburg, at 10pm on Saturday, when a man walked in with the badger under his arm.

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Boner Candidate #3: I TOLD THEM TO “STAY”

Shoppers say a car accident at the Wayne Walmart played out like a scene straight from a cartoon. Friday afternoon, an elderly woman left her car running in the parking lot so her two dogs could stay cool while she went in and shopped, but the apparently impatient dogs somehow knocked the car out of gear, and it went rolling right into the front of the building. “Only in Wayne County could something like that happen,” shopper Tiffany Bowen from Lavalette said.

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Boner Candidate #4: I NEVER SAID THAT…..UH, I MEANI REGRET EVERY WORD.

Cyclists and city officials are reeling over a city councilman’s joke that motorists should run cyclists off the road. The comment came from Councilman Bill Ince during a July 19 City Council meeting, when several council members expressed disdain over recent bike lane projects. According to a YouTube video of the meeting, Centerville Mayor Paul Cutler was questioning how motorists should handle “aggressive” cyclists in traffic when Ince chimed in: “Run ’em off the road,” he said, laughing.

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Boner Candidate #5: I’M MAKING SURE PEOPLE ARE SAFE

A man who allegedly impersonated a police officer, pulled over a vehicle and had the occupants get out of the car at gunpoint was arrested by real police officers Saturday. Adan Pandur, 27, of Magna, was arrested for investigation of impersonating an officer, three counts of aggravated assault and four counts of unlawful detention. Pandur used red and white lights on his vehicle to get another vehicle to pull over about 4:15 a.m., according to a Salt Lake County Jail report. He then announced he was an officer, pointed a gun at three of the occupants and had them get out of the car, the report states.

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Boner Candidate #6: WELCOME TO AMERICA

A Palestinian family who traveled thousands of miles for their baby’s open-heart surgery shielded themselves from bullets this weekend during a quick trip to the carryout.  The family speaks little English but spoke with ABC 6/FOX 28 Monday through an interpreter. They say they moved to the area several years ago as their one-year old daughter had already undergone a series of surgeries and must go through more. They were close to Nationwide Children’s Hospital Friday when the father stopped at the Family Carryout on East Livingston Avenue to buy a bottle of water. He left his wife and baby inside their SUV which he parked in front of the store.

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