ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1:WE’RE GONNA ZAP THAT OLD COVID 19
An Arizona mega-church where President Donald Trump is set to hold a rally on Tuesday claimed it possesses technology to clear the air of the novel coronavirus. The church is wrong, multiple scientists told The Daily Beast. The air filters that Dream City Church said it installed in its 3,000-seat Phoenix-area auditorium can’t protect churchgoers—or the president—from SARS-CoV-2. “When you come into our auditorium, 99.9 percent of COVID is gone—if it was there in the first place,” Brendon Zastrow, the church’s chief operating officer, claimed in a video that TMZ obtained. Luke Barnett, Dream City Church’s pastor, said in the same video that the mega-church has installed CleanAir EXP filter units. “It was technology developed by some members of our church,” Barnett said. “And it kills 99.9 percent of COVID within 10 minutes.” “This is absurd and will not protect you,” Matthew Scotch, an Arizona State University epidemiologist, told The Daily Beast. Dream City Church didn’t respond to an email requesting comment.
Boner Candidate #2:IT IS UNCONSCIONABLE
Sue Sanborn placed boxes of groceries on the front porch, knocked on the door and ran.Sanborn was among the volunteers who delivered groceries and toiletries Thursday to households affected by the coronavirus outbreak at the JBS Beef Plant in nearby Hyrum. She didn’t know if someone in the house on the southwest side of Logan had contracted COVID-19. So Sanborn retreated to the driveway before turning to ensure someone walked outside to find the milk, diapers, cleansers and other supplies on the porch. Sanborn believes the government and JBS itself should be doing more to help families. “It’s unconscionable,” she said, “the way the workers are being treated.” The outbreak that began at the Hyrum plant in May has put perhaps hundreds of households out of work and rippled across Cache County’s safety net. The area’s health department said 287 workers had tested positive for the virus the weekend of May 30.
Boner Candidate #3:SOMEBODY NEEDS A SPELLING LESSON
That’s the all-important message one spray painter is sending in this crazy footage from a TikTok user, which was shot Sunday in Sunbury, PA and is now going viral. The person behind the massive sign could use some grammar and spelling lessons, because they’re not even close to spelling out what we can only assume is their intended message — White Lives Matter. Usually, folks who are still confused about the meaning behind the Black Lives Matter movement resort to stating, “All Lives Matter,” but this person is coming in hot with their own slogan, which is either an epic troll job or just a hilarious misspelling. Ya gotta wonder … did the spray painter do this on purpose?!? If they didn’t, when did they realize “white” was badly misspelled?!? Have they realized yet it’s spelled wrong?!? Pro tip for those thinking about grabbing some spray paint bottles … write down what you want to spray with a pad and pen BEFORE going to town. Spray paint doesn’t come with erasers.
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ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I’M TAKING YOUR BABY DOWN WITH ME
San Jose police are asking for the public’s help to identify a woman who they say intentionally coughed on a small child in a stroller. Doing so is considered assault and a felony crime during the COVID-19 pandemic. The woman is seen on surveillance video on the evening of Friday June 12 at the Yogurtland on Cottle Road in San Jose. Police said that the woman was upset that a mother with her one-year-old child was not probably social distancing. The woman then took off her own face mask, got close to the child’s face and then coughed two or three times. Police described the suspect as a white female in her 60s, with a medium build, wearing a gray bandana, glasses, long sleeve shirt with gray vertical lines, white dress pants, and patterned tennis shoes.
Boner Candidate #2: I NEED SOME NEW ANTLERS FOR MY BATHROOM
Utah Division of Wildlife Resources officials are looking to identify a man who was seen shooting and killing a pronghorn buck earlier this month on Lake Mountain. Witnesses reported to the DWR that on Wednesday, June 3 — not during an active pronghorn hunting season — they saw a man shoot at the animal several times on Lake Mountain (located west of Utah Lake), eventually killing it and leaving it at the scene. The poaching took place near the communication towers around 8 a.m. The man was wearing blue jeans and a white jersey-style shirt with a number on the back, witnesses said. He was driving a white 4-door truck with a gray or silver stripe, possibly a Ford, heading toward Stillwater Canyon near Saratoga Springs. Anyone with information on the incident is asked to call the UTiP hotline at 800-662-3337 or DWR Conservation Officer James Thomas at 801-503-4070. Tips on other illegal wildlife killings can also be reported on the DWR website. Tips can be made confidentially.
Boner Candidate #3: THIS EEL SHOULD DO THE TRICK
A Chinese man nearly died after allegedly inserting a wiggling 16-inch eel into his backside to treat his constipation. The live fish tore through the man’s intestines before dying and getting stuck in his abdomen for a week, doctors said. The unnamed patient, said to be in his 50s, claimed he decided to use the creature to solve his bowel problems after following a folk remedy. The news came to light after the man sought medical attention at the Huangjiang Hospital in Dongguan, Guangdong province, due to severe abdominal pain. He has fully recovered after medics removed the dead fish from the man’s belly during emergency surgery, according to a social media post from the hospital. Dr Li from the hospital told the local media: ‘[We] suspected that there was a foreign object in his abdominal cavity from a CT scan. But we couldn’t tell where it came from.’
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