Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for May 4th, 2020

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1:MAGIC? REALLY?-

Don Pyke said at first the helicopter was just hovering low over some apartments. Then, it dropped something. The stream of ribbony material floated to the building’s roof and cascaded over the edge to the ground. Pyke crossed the street to check it out. “And sure enough, it was toilet paper,” Pyke said. “It was the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” A low-flying helicopter normally draws questions; one unloading rolls of toilet paper — considered a precious good during the coronavirus pandemic — gets a small crowd. So, even though it was dark, just before 9 p.m., a handful of fateful passersby and observant neighbors still gathered at the drop site near 3600 S. 1300 East to discuss what they’d seen — and confirm they had, indeed, seen it. It was like seeing a UFO, Pyke said. Almost as strange. A woman who’d watched the spectacle from her car and pulled over to talk about it told Pyke she was sure she’d seen five rolls descend. Pyke said he saw at least three.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2:A GREAT PLACE TO BE ALONE

Florida deputies arrested a man who had been living out his quarantine on a shuttered Disney World island, telling authorities it felt like a “tropical paradise.” Orange County Sheriff’s deputies found Richard McGuire on Disney’s Discovery Island on Thursday. He said he’d been there since Monday or Tuesday and had planned to camp there for a week, according to an arrest report. The 42-year-old said he didn’t hear numerous deputies searching the private island for him on foot, by boat and by air because he was asleep in a building. He told the deputy he didn’t know it was a restricted area, despite there being numerous “no trespassing” signs. “Richard stated that he was unaware of that and that it looked like a tropical paradise,” according to the arrest report. Orange County Marine deputies on Bay Lake used a public address system to tell McGuire he was not allowed to be on the property, but he remained on the island, anyway, according to the arrest report.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3:CORONA CRAP

The Utah Department of Consumer Protection is investigating a price gouging complaint involving a company in Logan that is selling buckets of hand sanitizer for almost 500 dollars. EK USA manufactures the “Corona Crap” hand sanitizer, advertising the product on their website. John Bishop said he saw a 1oz bottle of the product in the checkout line at the Fresh Market in Sugarhouse. He said he made a last-minute decision to put the item in his cart until the cashier told him he might want to reconsider. “Before she rang it up, she told me… ‘You do realize these are 6 dollars?'” Bishop said. “You’ve got to be kidding!” Bishop said he did not purchase the product, instead making sure to remember the name of the hand sanitizer so he could look it up online. “I’ve never heard of EK USA,” Bishop said. “Come to find out, they’re actually selling the same product on their website for $9.95.” Bishop said he was even more aggravated to learn it was a Utah company that he thinks is taking advantage of other locals’ desperation.

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ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1:THE MAYOR OF PAGE AZ IS TRULY SORRY.

The Page mayor is apologizing to the Diné after posting a photo and making comments on social media in which he said he wished the Navajo Nation president would battle alcoholism as hard as he does the coronavirus pandemic. “I apologize if I’ve offended people,” said Levi Tappan, who became the mayor for the city of Page in November 2018. “My intentions were: We need to work together and not just one side.” It all started when an administrator of the Facebook group “Page Arizona Community Bulletin Board” shared Council Delegate Kee Allen Begay’s Facebook post about Tappan’s April 29 letter to President Jonathan Nez. The letter asks the Nez-Lizer administration to team up with the City of Page during this unprecedented time and to implement a joint plan to allow access to Antelope Point Marina, Antelope Canyon, and other tribal parks.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2:YEAH….THAT’S THE RIGHT RESPONSE TO THE PROBLEM

Faced with 20,000 coronavirus deaths and counting, the nation’s nursing homes are pushing back against a potential flood of lawsuits with a sweeping lobbying effort to get states to grant them emergency protection from claims of inadequate care. At least 15 states have enacted laws or governors’ orders that explicitly or apparently provide nursing homes and long-term care facilities some protection from lawsuits arising from the crisis. And in the case of New York, which leads the nation in deaths in such facilities, a lobbying group wrote the first draft of a measure that apparently makes it the only state with specific protection from both civil lawsuits and criminal prosecution. Now the industry is forging ahead with a campaign to get other states on board with a simple argument: This was an unprecedented crisis and nursing homes should not be liable for events beyond their control, such as shortages of protective equipment and testing, shifting directives from authorities, and sicknesses that have decimated staffs.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3:STOLEN HONOR FROM THE DEAD

A Roy family is heartbroken and hoping for answers after their late father’s World War II medallion was removed from his grave. “Glen Lewis Wallace, he was born March 3, 1921 and he passed away April 26 of 2013,” said Peggy Poll as she read her father’s headstone aloud. “[He was] 92, he lived a long life.” Peggy has been coming to this spot to look back on her time with her father and pay her respects for the last seven years. “He said the word ‘hero’ was used way too much nowadays,” Peggy said, as she stood in-front of his grave. “I consider him a hero, but not just for World War II, for the life he lived.” The story of her father’s life was one of integrity, honor and service. “He was a veteran, he served in World War II,” said Peggy. “That’s what he was, he loved the country, and he was very patriotic.” Peggy’s father earned a purple heart after losing his leg in the war – he wore a prosthetic, which started at the base of the knee.

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