ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1:THIS IS A VERY UNPLEASANT SITUATION
Scientists who advise the government on its coronavirus strategy have warned they are being drawn into politics after the leading infectious disease modeller Prof Neil Ferguson stepped down as one of the cabinet’s most prominent advisers. Ferguson, the head of the Imperial College team whose modelling persuaded ministers that Britain needed to order a lockdown to prevent hundreds of thousands of deaths, resigned from the Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (Sage) on Tuesday night. Ferguson left the position after it emerged that his lover had visited his home on two occasions in March and April in a breach of the government’s official guidance on social distancing.
BONER CANDIDATE #2:MASK AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
BONER CANDIDATE #3:WELL, THAT BLEW HIS COVER
Police said the wanted man had tried to hide in woodland near Brookside Walk A wanted man who hid in bushes in an attempt to evade police blew his cover when he farted. Realising officers on the scent were closing in, the suspect had fled into woodland near Harworth, Nottinghamshire. His location remained a mystery until they heard a noise “believed to be the sound of someone breaking wind”. He was arrested alongside another suspect found hiding behind a fireplace in a nearby home. One of the pursuing officers said: “I was almost out of wind running but luckily [the suspect] still had some. “I heard him letting rip and followed the noises to a bush.” Nottinghamshire Police said a 35-year-old man was arrested after failing to appear at court and a 30-year old man was arrested in relation to other matters.
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ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1:LET THEM BE FREE WITH THE GARAGE DOOR CLOSED MA’AM
Responding to a 911 call “reference to a exposure of sexual organs,” cops spoke with a Vero Beach resident who said that a neighbor who lives across the street pulled down her shirt “and exposed her breasts to the victim and her children.” The minors, the report noted, ranged in age from 11 to five. At one point, the witness said, the topless woman “bent over with her top down and started pounding on her blue plastic recycling bin making sure that the victim and the kids were looking.” Upon confronting the suspect–identified by police as Stephanie Wright, 56–“her tan tank top was tucked under her breasts and I could visibly see her breasts,” reported Deputy David Ragley. Pictured above, Wright refused Ragley’s initial request to cover up. “No, I’m in my garage and I don’t have to,” she reportedly said. After eventually pulling her top up, Wright explained that she had been “cleaning out her garage.” Asked why she was doing this topless, Wright “stated she was allowed to.”
BONER CANDIDATE #2:LEAVE THE POOR SHARKS ALONE
Hong Kong customs seized 28 tons of shark fins severed from roughly 38,500 endangered sharks, representing the largest fin smuggling operation in the city. On Wednesday, Hong Kong customs officials announced they had uncovered two containers filled with 26 metric tons, or more than 57,000 lbs, of the controversial delicacy, worth about $1.1 million, the South China Morning Post reported. Some 90% of the fins were from thresher and silk sharks, which are both considered protected species, according to the Morning Post. Their value would have been much higher, though, if they had been of better quality.The containers arrived separately from Equador in January, but their contents were discovered on April 28 and May 4. Customs officers grew suspicious since both had labels in Spanish indicating they were carrying dried fish.
BONER CANDIDATE #3:THIS ISN’T A PANDEMIC, IT’S A PLANDEMIC
Social media networks are scrambling to get rid of a viral conspiracy video spreading false claims about the coronavirus, according to a report. The roughly 26-minute “Plandemic Movie” has been viewed and shared widely on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Vimeo and clips of it also circulated on Twitter this week, CNBC reported. The clip, apparently an excerpt of a larger documentary to be released this summer, makes a number of bogus, unproven or misleading claims, like that the coronavirus pandemic was created to make profits off vaccines. And in defiance of the advice of medical experts, it suggests that masks can make people sicker and that sheltering in place harms the immune system. One video, shared on Facebook by someone claiming to be one of the filmmakers, had been viewed more than 1.7 million times and shared more than 140,000 times as of Thursday. Facebook told CNBC that the video violated its policy and would be removed. “Suggesting that wearing a mask can make you sick could lead to imminent harm, so we’re removing the video,” a Facebook spokeswoman said.
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