Boner Candidate #1: IF THEY CATCH YOU COCKFIGHTING 3 TIMES, THEN YOU’RE IN REAL TROUBLE.
Provo police arrested 17 people, including a juvenile, after discovering an alleged large-scale cockfighting operation during a welfare check. Officers used drone footage and search warrants to uncover sheds, cages, drugs, and equipment associated with organized rooster fights, as well as more than 50 dead birds and hundreds of live ones. Witnesses said up to 100 people fled the scene as officers arrived, and additional suspects were located in nearby areas. Humane Society officials called the case one of the largest in Utah in a decade and urged lawmakers to strengthen the state’s relatively lenient cockfighting penalties.
Boner Candidate #2: I WAS LOOKING FOR A YOUTH LARGE.
A report from the “National Alliance of Retired and Active Duty FBI Special Agents and Analysts” claims that FBI Director Kash Patel refused to leave his plane in Utah to investigate his friend Charlie Kirk’s murder until agents found him a medium-sized FBI raid jacket with all the correct patches. The uncorroborated report, sourced from “ALPHA99,” suggests Patel prioritized his appearance and “facade of power” over immediately performing his duty at a high-profile assassination scene. This incident is presented as a recent example of Patel’s alleged misplaced priorities and lack of fitness for the job, following other reported issues like premature social media posts and the misuse of government resources.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: WAGING WAR IS FUN, ISN’T IT PETE?
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth faced significant backlash after sharing a meme on X about the Trump administration’s Caribbean drug boat strikes, titling it “Franklin Targets Narco Terrorists.” This social media post came just days after an explosive Washington Post report alleged that Hegseth ordered a second strike to eliminate two survivors clinging to the wreckage after the initial attack, reportedly saying, “Kill everybody.” Critics, including a U.S. Congressman, accused Hegseth of celebrating what could be perceived as “war crimes” and questioned his fitness for office.
