I wish I could Inta-quit you
So many possibilities with Instagram. Since my cousin’s newborn showed it to me I just can’t stop taking pictures of the same spot at Liberty Park at sunset, frozen pizzas I feel that I’ve cooked to perfection, and how sweaty my boxer-briefs get after the gym. Shockingly, no one has approached me for a lucrative product placement deal. Aside from my own narcissism and delusions of grandeur, there are a few accounts that I simply can’t stop and won’t stop looking at. Here are five that I suggest you just walk by and never follow. Consider this a PSA.
1. Kyle Dunnigan @kyledunnigan1
I know, Rogan has been talking about him on JRE, but this seriously is brilliant. And not even just the face swap stuff, which is genius. This guy needs his own sketch comedy show.
1. Bakhar Nabieva @bakharnabieva
Bakhar Nabieva is from Baku, Azerbaijan. I have no idea how I came across her account and my friends get annoyed when I show them her feed, but god damn! I had no idea someone could be into their legs that much. You wanna talk swoll? You can’t talk swoll. She can talk swoll. In her description, she writes “My goals don’t stop for anyone. Either you support me or I make it happen alone, either way, it’s going to happen.” I don’t know what her goals are exactly, but if it’s kicking harder than a horse, then I support her. Really though – have you ever seen legs like that on ANYONE? I don’t think I have the discipline to get as fat as she is swoll. I’d like to use another word other than swoll, but it’s all that really fits.
3. This is Why I’m Broke @thisiswhyimbroke
Do you need a grill made out of cardboard? How about a pepper spray self-defense gun? A solar system in a crystal ball? A picture of Darth Vader drinking tea in a meadow? I mean, if I weren’t already broke, I would be broke from all the stupid shit I would buy from this site.
4. U.S. Department of the Interior @usinterior
Enjoy all these beautiful pictures of the land we share and should be very proud and amazed by before our government lets anyone with a drill start mining for unobtanium. These beautiful photos may be all we have left to remember these lands by. For those of you wondering what the U.S. Department of the Interior does, well, I looked it up. According to their website, “The Department of the Interior protects and manages the Nation’s natural resources and cultural heritage; provides scientific and other information about those resources; and honors its trust responsibilities or special commitments to American Indians, Alaska Natives, and affiliated island communities.” I like everything about that. I’ll make a donation out of my next paycheck.
5. Utah Burger @utahburger
Who isn’t looking for a good burger all the time? Sometimes I am not even hungry and one of these pop up in my feed and I am like, “Oh, man, gotta get me a hamburger sandwich now.” Well, Utah Burger makes sure I know where they are being made, who is making them, and any new ones I need to try. I suspect Big Burger is behind this, but I don’t really care – some conspiracies need to be left alone.
