Boner Candidate #1: ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS.
An evangelical pastor who is refusing to abide by Louisiana’s ban on large public gatherings and continuing to hold in-person church services suggested his parishioners would not mind dying for their faith. Rev. Tony Spell, pastor of Life Tabernacle Church in the city of Central, is facing six misdemeanor charges after defying Gov. John Bel Edwards’ orders aimed at curbing the spread of the coronavirus. Each count carries a maximum penalty of six months in jail and a $500 fine. Palm Sunday services at Spell’s church, held last weekend, are reported to have drawn hundreds of parishioners. Local police said many arrived in a fleet of 26 buses that the church, which is located near Baton Rouge, sent to pick them up. In a TMZ interview on Wednesday, Spell shrugged off critics who say he is putting his congregants at risk of contracting COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus. “The Bible teaches us to be absent from our bodies as to be present with the Lord,” said Spell, a Pentecostal preacher. “Like any zealot or like any pure religious person, death looks to them like a welcome friend. True Christians do not mind dying. They fear living in fear.”
Boner Candidate #2: TEST MY METH.
Worried that her methamphetamine was contaminated, an Iowa woman drove to police headquarters and asked cops to check her stash for the coronavirus, according to court records. Shawn Salmen, 53, arrived at the Sioux City Police Department Sunday afternoon and reportedly admitted to officers that she recently used meth. Which appeared obvious since the paranoid Salmen was sweating profusely and acting erratically, cops say. While speaking with police, Salmen “was requesting officers to check her narcotics for the COVID-19 Virus,” a criminal complaint states. During a subsequent pat down of Salmen and a search of her truck, cops recovered 14.4 grams of meth, marijuana, and “a large amount of drug paraphernalia.” Salmen, who lives in Sioux City, was arrested on a pair of felony narcotics charges and a misdemeanor pot possession count. She was released Tuesday from the Woodbury County jail after posting $25,000 bond. According to her Facebook page, Salmen (seen above) works as a psychiatric-mental health nurse practitioner for two medical centers. In a March 28 post, Salmen implored her Facebook followers to “WAKE THE FUCK UP” and take social distancing seriously.
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