Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for August 22nd, 2019

BONER CANDIDATE #1: I PUT HIS BOYS IN A PINK CONTAINER

A 74-year-old Florida man was arrested on Monday following a botched castration attempt on an individual he met via a dark web fetish site, police say. According to jail inmate records, Gary Van Ryswyk, of Sebring, was detained by officers from the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office on Monday and charged with practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury, a second-degree felony. Deputies arrived at the man’s Orday Road residence shortly before midnight Sunday after a 911 hang-up call. The door was answered by Van Ryswyk, who told them he had castrated a man, 53. The man was found on a bed in the home bleeding heavily from the groin. Close by, a pink container contained his testicles, deputies said. The room had been set up like a surgical center, complete with medical equipment and painkillers. A camera had also been set up to record the procedure, but it was not immediately clear if it was filming. Van Ryswyk admitted he met the victim, who has not been named, on a website on the dark web site dedicated to eunuch fetishism. Van Ryswyk told the man that he had previously conducted castrations on animals and had removed one of his own testicles back in 2012, the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office said in a release posted to Facebook yesterday. Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: YOU CAN ONLY JUGGLE SO MANY BALLS… ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE FULL OF MONEY

Ken Ivory has exited his Utah House seat to take an executive level job at a Silicon Slopes company that he helped hire for a special legislative project to appraise Utah’s public lands — an assignment that has evolved into a $700,000 state contract for the firm. Ivory started his job at Geomancer, a Lehi software firm, on Monday, the same day he resigned from the Legislature. His position is as senior vice president of corporate strategy, a role that will require him to “wear lots of hats,” he said Wednesday in an interview at the state Capitol. “It’s going to be a huge job. It’s a national reach, and you can only juggle so many balls,” the West Jordan Republican said, explaining his decision to leave his elected position of eight years. But wilderness advocates questioned the propriety of Ivory’s jump to a firm that is profiting from state dollars secured with the former lawmaker’s help. “It smacks of self-dealing and raises red flags,” Stephen Bloch, legal director for the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance, said in an interview. The Western Values Project, a group that has opposed Ivory’s efforts to transfer public lands to state ownership, was similarly scathing. Read More


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