Boners

Boner Fight for January 5, 2021

Boner Candidate #1: THERE’S PLENTY OF EVIDENCE, I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

SALT LAKE CITY — Congress could be in for a long, contentious day on Wednesday. A dozen Republican senators and up to 100 House Republicans — which now include Utah Reps. Chris Stewart and Burgess Owens — are poised to challenge the Electoral College vote when lawmakers convene in a joint session to confirm President-elect Joe Biden’s 306-232 win. Vice President Mike Pence will preside over the session where the envelopes from each state and the District of Columbia will be opened alphabetically and the votes tallied. If at least one member of each house objects in writing to a state’s votes, senators will file out of the House chamber so the bodies can debate the issue separately for two hours. The process would be repeated for each state for which a challenge is raised.

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Boner Candidate #2: THOSE SHOTS ARE GONNA MUTATE OUR DNA

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — A Wisconsin pharmacist convinced the world was “crashing down” told police he tried to ruin hundreds of doses of coronavirus vaccine because he believed the shots would mutate people’s DNA, according to court documents released Monday. Police in Grafton, about 20 miles (32 kilometers) north of Milwaukee, arrested Advocate Aurora Health pharmacist Steven Brandenburg last week following an investigation into the 57 spoiled vials of the Moderna vaccine, which officials say contained enough doses to inoculate more than 500 people. Charges are pending.

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