Boners

Boner Fight for June 8th, 2020

Boner Candidate #1: MAYOR WHY DON’T YOU TRY AND BE EVEN MORE OFFENSIVE

KAYSVILLE, Utah – Thursday’s Kaysville City Council meeting became heated during a discussion to censure Mayor Katie Witt. The council drafted a letter of censure after the mayor tried to bypass the permit process to allow organizers of an outdoor concert to hold the event in the city. After a long period of discussion, the council voted unanimously to censure Witt. Following the vote, she expressed her belief that she did nothing wrong. “I think there is a double standard here,” Witt said at the meeting. “If this request had been from Black Lives Matter, trying to get…” After she brought up the Black Lives Matter movement, she was interrupted by loud jeers from those in attendance. When the meeting was brought back to order, Witt added, “Would you demand a 30-day waiting period?” That comment infuriated council member Michelle Barber. “After all that. After we had that whole censure, she disappointed me more than anything by comparing a concert to a Black Lives Matter event,” Barber said at the conclusion of the meeting.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS A PREMEDITATED HIT.

In a speculative tangent Wednesday evening, Fox News opinion host Jesse Watters floated a conspiracy theory that George Floyd’s death was “not racially motivated at all,” and instead “some sort of criminal thing that went haywire” resulting in “a hit that was executed extremely poorly.” Watters, who co-hosts “The Five” on weekdays in addition to his own weekend show, drew from the co-working relationship between Floyd and former Minneapolis police officer at the same nightclub. They overlapped at El Nuevo Rodeo Club in 2019. With Chauvin working outside and Floyd inside, the club’s owner told Insider the two may not have known each other. Extrapolating from the chance they did know each other, Watters alluded to a conspiracy theory floating around QAnon circles.

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