Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day August 13th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: NAKED AND RAMBLING.

Ladera Heights, CA — The man was rambling and naked and screaming that people were trying to kill him. But that wasn’t the end of the man’s 99 problems — at least. The naked man was also arrested on burglary charges. Police said he tried to steal items from another Ladera Heights home before he fled and then tried to hide out in a neighbor’s chimney — before getting stuck. “They had me running around buck naked,” the man screamed as he was taken into custody. “They asked if anybody had a towel. Somebody tossed a white towel onto the roof,” said witness Leslie Scraifer. CBS2/KCAL9’s Greg Mills spoke to shocked neighbors about their naked visitor. Once they had a towel, police and fire pulled the man out and wrapped him in it. “Oh my God. I was shocked I couldn’t believe it,” said Shraifer. She and boyfriend Ace Antonio-Hall were headed to church when they said they heard choppers overhead. “I heard the helicopters that had been going around and I believe I heard the helicopters on the loudspeakers say ‘everyone stay indoors,’” says Antonio-Hall. Culver City police told Mills the incident started a block away on Canterbury Street. A woman discovered a naked man in her apartment. The woman’s husband confronted and they got into a fight. “I would never fight somebody buck naked,” the suspect screamed at onlookers. The suspect ran off, naked, through various backyards across Wooster Avenue. As police searched for him, he chose the chimney to hide in. “Maybe for about an hour they were searching. Dogs. They came in the back yard with their dogs searching,” says Antonio-Hall. Officials eventually called off the search but the suspect only then began to make his presence known.
“I was just taking [my dog] for a walk, I was walking by the house and hear this “help me, they’re trying to kill me,” says witness Alan Nelson. He called 911 as did other neighbors. “He’s screaming “help,get me out I’m stuck’” says Antonio-Hall. “He’d been drinking, [the suspect said] his drink was laced with something. Is there a superhero out there?” Shraifer said the suspect yelled.
Firefighters and sheriff’s deputies worked on getting the naked suspect freed. But he refused to go quietly.“Don’t kill me. Y’all don’t let these folks kill me man,” he yelled as he was led off in handcuffs. And the borrowed towel. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: STAND UP COMIC SONNY PERDUE.

Minnesota Farmers Union president calls the agriculture secretary’s dig “very insensitive. It took everyone by surprise.” America’s farmers have apparently been demoted by the Trump administration from “great patriots” to “whiners,” according to a tone-deaf joke by Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue. Farmers, struggling with plunging income and bankruptcies amid President Donald Trump’s trade war, were stunned. Perdue made the joke while getting heat last week from Minnesota farmers complaining about, among other things, the latest blow to their businesses from the trade war. China has canceled all purchases of U.S. farm products in retaliation for Trump’s decision to impose 10% tariffs on $300 billion in Chinese imports. At a Farmfest listening session with farmers in Minnesota, Perdue hit back at the complaints with his joke: “What do you call two farmers in a basement? A whine cellar.” As he pounded the table in mirth, some of the thousands of farmers at the event laughed nervously — which was followed by boos. “It was definitely not an appropriate thing to say,” Minnesota Farmers Union President Gary Wertish told HuffPost. “It was very insensitive. It took everyone by surprise. He doesn’t understand what farmers are dealing with, and he’s the head of the Department of Agriculture. He’s supposed to be working for farmers.” Wertish said several farmers have complained about Perdue’s comment to him in person and via email. Net farm income in America has plunged by nearly half over the last five years from $123.4 billion in 2013 to $63 billion last year. It plummeted by 16% last year alone, Time reports. Farmers have filed a record number of bankruptcies since the start of Trump’s trade war with China. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: TONE DEAF OR REALLY IN TOUCH WITH WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT.

Millry Alabama Youth Football Association is trying to raise money by raffling off an AR-15. However, assault style weapons, remain under assault.
The controversy fueled again over the weekend with two tragic mass shootings in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio. Millry Youth Football Association board chairman Roger Taylor says they’re doing the raffle to get the helmets and shoulder pads they need for the children. “We live in a rural area so you have to do what you have to, to raise money,” he said. Taylor says it’s not the first time they’ve raffled off a gun and they do it because it brings in sales. “Around here in the south guns sell, hunting season is not too far around the corner, not everybody’s going to want a Yetti cooler,” he said. “A gun is more practical thing to sell around here.” Taylor says they posted a flyer on Facebook about two weeks ago, but it was removed because someone flagged it. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it,” Courtni Bingham said. Bingham’s son is a part of the team. She says the raffle brings in money for the children. “We did a gun raffle last year,” she said. “It wasn’t a problem with anybody. They’re usually very successful around here.” Others who live in Millry say they’re not surprised. “I think it’s a nice idea, really nice, I seen a picture of the gun and I want it,” Phyllis Thornton said. “We live here in Washington County where everybody likes to hunt, likes to shoot guns so I don’t see any problem with it,” Michael Mcrae said. Taylor says in order to get what they need they have to be creative. “It’s not like people are pulling up here and pulling out wads of cash saying here go buy this,” he said. Millry’s chief of police is also the team’s president.
He says the winner will have to get a background check and fill out necessary paperwork before they get the gun. Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: NOT THE CAR I WANTED MOM. NOT THE CAR I WANTED.

The young man, only known as Akash, from Haryana in northern India, was given a BMW M3 car by his mother and father. In an act of protest over not getting the vehicle he wanted, the man ditched the car, but later jumped into the river and joined drivers to try and save it. Man plunges BMW into a lake in a rage after he didn’t get a Jaguar. BMWs cost around 3.5 million rupees (£41,400; $49,000) locally, while Jaguars are more expensive, costing about five million rupees (£58,000, $70,000). Shocking footage shows the car floating away on the river in the northern Indian state before it gets stuck on a bank of tall grass. Akash, believed to be the son of a local landlord swims in and tries to rescue it, with the help of others. Police are investigating the incident, local media report. A man in India has pushed a brand new car into a river as he was upset he gifted a BMW instead of a Jaguar for his birthday. The young man, only known as Akash, from Haryana in northern India, was given the car by his parentsIn an act of protest over not getting the vehicle he wanted, the man ditched the car, but later jumped into the river and joined drivers to try and save it. BMWs cost around 3.5 million rupees (£41,400; $49,000) locally, while Jaguars are more expensive, costing about five million rupees (£58,000, $70,000)
Shocking footage shows the car floating away on the river in the northern Indian state before it gets stuck on a bank of tall grass. Akash, believed to be the son of a local landlord swims in and tries to rescue it, with the help of others. Since the video has gone viral, people have hit out at the driver online, accusing him of being ungrateful. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: FBI: I DIDN’T KNOW AND I’M AN IDIOT.

A friend of the gunman who killed nine people in Dayton, Ohio last week allegedly told the FBI he helped the killer stockpile his arsenal—and even watched him assemble the murder weapon.
The FBI questioned Ethan Kollie hours after authorities say Connor Betts opened fire on Aug. 4. The high-capacity magazine, body armor, and part of the gun Betts used were all purchased by Kollie, according to a criminal complaint unsealed Monday. It is unclear if he had any prior knowledge of Betts’ plans. Kollie, 24, is charged with an unrelated count of lying to purchase a gun for himself, authorities said Monday. He was arrested Friday and is being held in a Dayton jail. During an FBI interview, Kollie said he bought and stashed the items for Betts at his apartment to help Betts hide them from his parents. Betts even came over to Kollie’s apartment to assemble a pistol several months before the massacre, according to the complaint. Betts, 24, legally purchased the AM-15 pistol used in the attack, authorities previously said. The pistol has a shorter barrel than the AR-15 rifle variant, but uses the same ammunition and magazines. Attached to Betts’ pistol was the magazine Kollie purchased, capable of holding 100 rounds of ammunition. Betts also wore the body armor his friend bought. Read More

 

Boner Candidate #3: YOU LET THAT GUY MARRY YOUR LITTLE GIRL?

This groom got so hammered at his own wedding that he had to be hand fed — by his new mother-in-law. The newlywed from Scotland appeared in a viral video at his reception after getting carried away celebrating the nuptials, LADBible reported on Sunday. In the hilarious footage, the mortified mother-in-law feeds the bleary-eyed groom and, at one point, flashes a thumbs up.
“The video is highly embarrassing, as this is not the way you should be at your wedding day during the speeches, but we love to laugh at each other’s stupidness,” the groom told the outlet. “With this situation, you could understand that she may have been upset as I was a total mess, but due to me making a comeback, she has seen the funny side to the video.” The footage — which has been viewed more than 9.2 million times on Facebook — had viewers applauding the woman’s efforts. “What a wonderful mother-in-law. She handled it quite well considering…” wrote on Facebook user. Read More

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