Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day August 5th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THAT’S A CLEVELAND BANK ROBBER FOR YA.

Investigators say a Cleveland bank robber made their job much easier because his note demanding money was written on the back side of a document bearing his name and address. FBI Special Agent Vicki Anderson tells WJW-TV the stunned teller who was handed the note last Monday looked at both sides and realized it was a document from the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. Anderson says the teller addressed the man by his first name, gave him the money and then notified law enforcement officers. Authorities used surveillance footage and the information from the document to identify the 54-year-old suspect. They say a warrant has been issued for his arrest. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME, MY FRIEND, AND MY DOG.

A fuel cap from an airplane fell out of the sky and sliced through a Florida woman’s screen enclosure when she was sitting outside with a friend. Dara Hackett said she and her friend were on the patio of her Winter Garden home Thursday when they heard a sound that she said was louder than a gunshot.”Like a very, very, very loud bang — a ting noise,” she told WKMG-TV. “Then, you heard it hit the pool and splash.” Hackett recovered a disc-shaped metal object measuring about 8 inches in diameter. A label on the object said, “fuel servicing.” Some online research revealed the object was a fuel cap from a commercial plane. “That could have killed me,” she said. “It could have killed my friend, and it could have killed my dog.” The Federal Aviation Administration said it is investigating the incident to determine where the cap came from. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: HOOTERS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR PREMIUM ANYTHING.

Hooters, well-known everywhere for its excellent appetizers, also understands that its customers aren’t just there for food. So, the company announced last week that it is launching its own line of booze. Hooters Spirits—developed with a private label, United Spirits, Inc.—will include vodka, gin, rum, tequila, and cinnamon whiskey and will be sold in both restaurants and some stores nationwide. As everyone knows, racing pairs well with booze. So, Hooters Spirits will be featured on Chase Elliott’s Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 when he hits the track at the Bristol Motor Speedway on August 17. This marks an expansion in Hooters’ sponsorship of Elliott and Hendrick Motorsports. From the press release, details on what Hooters is bringing to the bar:
  • Hooters Vodka
  • Hooters Gin
  • Hooters Dark Rum
  • Hooters Light Rum
  • Hooters Tequila Silver
  • Hooters American Whiskey
  • Finally, Hooters Heat Cinnamon Whiskey

Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I SAW BIGFOOT.

Mammoth Cave National Park, KY — Kentucky is more famous for bourbon than Bigfoot sightings, which may explain a strange series of events on Saturday.
Western Kentucky University students Madelyn Durand and Brad Ginn say they were awoken at a campsite in Mammoth Cave National Park when they heard noises and found a man who claimed that the legendary creature had destroyed his campsite. They tell CNN that the man, accompanied by his young son, told them they were in “Bigfoot country.” Minutes later, the man fired into the darkness. “The guy said he saw a Bigfoot emerge from the brush and it was coming towards him, so he shot at it,” Ginn says. “We shined a flashlight to see if there was an animal or something. And there was absolutely nothing there.” The couple—more worried about a man firing his gun at nothing than about potential Bigfoot encounters—decided to hike 5 miles back to their car and call 911. “Mammoth Cave law enforcement rangers responded to an incident involving an individual with a firearm at one of the park’s backcountry campsites at approximately 2:00am on Sunday, July 28,” a park spokeswoman tells the Louisville Courier-Journal. “Park rangers made contact with all parties involved, and no injuries occurred. While no threat remains in the park, this incident is still under investigation by park law enforcement officials.” Read More

Boner Candidate #2: NBA PLAYER SUSPENDED FOR BEING PREGNANT.

D.J. Cooper stepped away from AS Monaco late in 2018 for “family reasons,” though he attempted to join the Bosnian national team as a naturalized player later that year. The former Ohio University standout never made it, however, and was instead handed a two-year suspension from FIBA for failing a drug test. But it wasn’t performance enhancing drugs, recreational drugs or any of the other usual suspects that thwarted Cooper. His drug test, according to Eurohoops.net, revealed that he was pregnant. The test on the urine that Cooper provided revealed the presence of human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, which is a hormone made by the placenta during pregnancy. That urine, per the report, actually belonged to his girlfriend — who likely didn’t know she was pregnant at the time. So, FIBA suspended Cooper for fraud. He’s eligible to return on June 20, 2020. Cooper played for the Bobcats from 2009-2013, starting in nearly every game in his collegiate career while averaging 14.5 points, 6.5 assists and 4.3 rebounds per contest. After going undrafted, the guard took his talents to Europe. He played two seasons in the Greek League, for both Panathinaikos and AEK Athens, and then three in the French league with three different teams. He averaged 6.7 points and 7.2 assists over 26 games in his last season with Monaco in 2017-18. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: COUNTRY MUSIC WILL CHANGE YOUR DNA.

Tiffany FitzHenry, a self-described “bestselling author, public speaker, screenwriter, [and] Hollywood whistleblower,” appeared on Chris McDonald’s “The MC Files” program earlier this week, where she claimed that country music songs are actually spells used to control people, and that the musical scales used in contemporary music were designed to “change your DNA.” FitzHenry claimed that she had recently been doing some editing work for “a massive, massive country music star” and was shown a “list of words” that the performer receives that must be used in their songs. “There are lists of words that they get that they have to put these words, certain words, into their songs,” she said. “These are spells. If you’ve ever wondered, ‘Why does every country music song mention alcohol, whiskey?’ I think there was a study done that said 90 percent of country music songs in some form or fashion mention or make reference to, if not outright [promote] drinking. There has been a great illusion put over us and music is so powerful.” FitzHenry went on to assert that “the music scale was changed” by the Rockefellers or Rothchilds back in the early part of the 20th century to shift it away from the natural frequency created by God. “There is a frequency that is sort of the God frequency and then there is a frequency that is just sort of off from that,” she said. “Our scale of modern music [is] off from the real resonance, it’s just a scale down. We don’t realize it, but all of our music is tainted in this way and sound has a powerful influence, a powerful effect on our bodies, on our minds. We’re 75 percent water, and so when something reverberates though you, it changes your DNA.” Read More

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