Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for April 11th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: IT WAS A SMOKIN’ HOT DEAL

A Wisconsin woman says her SUV burst into flames 22 minutes after she bought it, and the used car dealership that sold it to her is refusing to give her money back. Images from the incident serve as a haunting reminder of Nicole Brandt’s near-death experience on Wednesday, April 3. “I haven’t been able to drive since then,” Brandt told WITI Monday. She was on I-43 northbound in Grafton, on her way to pick up her kids in the used 2006 Chrysler Pacifica she purchased at Big Bill’s Auto in Milwaukee when she knew something was wrong. “Something from underneath the engine. It was just melting. The engine was just melting out from underneath,” said Brandt. The SUV began smoking, and Brandt pulled over. An approaching driver snapped photos. Brandt got out seconds before flames appeared near the windshield.

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Candidate #2: WOMEN HAVE TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE

A Republican state lawmaker in Texas has reintroduced a bill that would criminalize abortion without exception, making it possible for women to be convicted of homicide and sentenced to death for having the procedure. Texas state Rep. Tony Tinderholt (R) was placed under state protection in 2017 when he first introduced the bill because of the death threats he received, The Washington Post reported Wednesday. His bill earned its first public hearing this week, and he argued that his intention is to guarantee “equal protection” for life inside and “outside the womb.” He has previously said that his proposal would completely remove access to abortions and “force” women to be “more personally responsible” with sex.

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Candidate #3: I’M JUST WORKING OUT.

A man who police say was driving with his pants down with a woman he did not know had his trousers lowered because he was “working out,” an affidavit states.
The apparent case of the athletic motorist happened March 23 in Fort Pierce. Fort Pierce police reported pulling over an Infiniti that ran a stop sign at North 13th Street and Avenue M. Investigators said the driver, Lionel Briscoe, 47, had his pants “unbuttoned and open to see his underwear.”

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Round 2

Candidate #1: YOU HAVE TO USE CHOPSTICKS

Burger King issued an apology this week after an ad released by its franchise in New Zealand depicted diners struggling to eat burgers with oversized chopsticks.
A short clip of the ad making the rounds on social media shows diners chowing down on the chain’s new “Vietnamese Sweet Chilli Tendercrisp Burger” with large chopsticks. The promotion also included the caption, “Take your taste buds all the way to Ho Chi Minh City.” Many online have blasted the ad for being culturally insensitive and for perpetuating stereotypes.  In a statement to CNN on Tuesday, a spokeswoman for the burger chain apologized for the ad and said the franchise in New Zealand was asked to remove it immediately.

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Candidate #2: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

Remember that slight buzzing sound of those old, industrial clocks on the wall when you were growing up. I sure do, because all I did was stare at them all day waiting to get out of class. Well, it looks like future generations of students in the United Kingdom will never get the pleasure of staring at those analog clocks because those relics are being removed from classrooms because kids can’t read them.

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Candidate #3: I’M READY TO GO.

A Fort Myers man was arrested for indecent exposure after showing up to Lee Memorial Hospital naked on Sunday. Irving Howard, 69, went into the hospital at 3:41 a.m. and approached officers that were already there assisting in an assault investigation, according to an arrest report. Police said he was fully clothed when they asked him to leave, which he did. However, a few minutes after leaving, officers said Howard returned fully naked, stood next to a pillar, and said, “I am ready to go.” When police asked him where his clothes were, Howard said he didn’t know and that they were gone, according to documents.

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