ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: MY BEAUTIFUL ALIEN SCARS
Elon Musk’s girlfriend ‘Grimes’ shared a picture of herself on Instagram that featured her new new tattoo that’s meant to look like ‘alien scars.’
Boner Candidate #2: COME ON, IT’S JUST A LITTLE FROG.
After the complaint of another family in the neighborhood, a frog statuette has been taken down thanks to the Home Owner’s Association.
Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU TRY TO MAKE ME, I’LL SHOOT THE PLACE UP
‘The Stockist’ a specialty clothing store on 9th and 9th was forced to close it’s doors early after they received violent threats from a customer angry about the mask mandate.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME UP WITH THESE PEOPLE?
A rioter from January 6th’s insurrection who reportedly beat a cop with a flagpole, is complaining about being imprisoned with people who commit “inner city crimes” as his lawyer said.
Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY
Wellington’s former police chief Rory Bradley, was accused of sexual abuse after many of his illicit texts were shared. In his defense, Rory said: “The text messages were meant to be funny. That’s it, that’s all it was meant to be.”
Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU TRY TO MAKE ME, I’LL STAB YOU
After refusing to wear a mask, or turn down his music on a Front Runner train, a man threatened to stab a police officer and a UTA employee.
