Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for April 24th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: WAIT. LEMME PUT ON MY JAIL OUTFIT

Jaime Cruz, 20, said he wanted to put on “his whites” because that’s what he wears when he goes to jail, according to a Martin County Sheriff’s Office report. The case of the man with the apparent jail-going duds happened April 2 in the 14700 block of Southwest Dr. Martin Luther King Drive. Deputies went to the address looking for Cruz, who had two violation of probation warrants. A woman told investigators she’d see whether Cruz was there, and he was. “I told Cruz that he was to be coming with me as I had a warrant for his arrest,” the report states. Cruz said he’d “turn himself in later.” “I explained to Cruz that him waiting til later was not an option,” the report states.

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Boner Candidate #2: I HAD NO CHOICE

A woman allegedly shot her husband dead after seeing he added a porn channel to their TV bill. Patricia Ann Hill, 69, is accused of shooting Frank Hill, 65, twice after she “flew into a rage”. Prosecutors described how Patricia, from Arkansas, America, had already deleted the channel from their subscription once, but “lost her mind” after seeing it re-added. She is accused of going into her husband’s shed, dubbed the ‘man cave’, to confront him before knocking over a table of his beer and cigarettes in anger. Patricia then allegedly returned to the house where she retrieved a pistol and shot her husband after walking back into his shed, according to the Pine Bluff Commercial. He was bending over picking up items she had thrown to the floor when she is accused of firing twice at him. Frank was shot once in the leg, then a second time near his upper body. She then returned to the house once again to call police and an ambulance. Her lawyer, Bill James, said the couple were “basically estranged”, but that her husband’s porn habit was a “personal affront to her and to her god. “She told him over and over again to stop, and he said he would but went right back to doing it”.

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Boner Candidate #3: Potato Attack!

A Florida teenager is accused of striking his stepsister in the head with a thrown potato after she failed to pay him enough attention, cops say. Tyler Scott Parker, 18, was busted Sunday afternoon on a domestic battery charge following a spud tossing incident at his family’s Tampa-area residence. Parker, seen at right, began yelling at the victim and threatened to throw a potato at her if she “did not stop ignoring him,” according to a criminal complaint. After Parker’s stepsister “replied to the defendant,” he allegedly threw the potato, which struck his kin in the head. Parker was subsequently arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge. The victim does not appear to have been injured in the potato attack.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I WAS FEELING THE NEED TO BE PRETTY

A 22-year-old man is behind bars after he was caught on camera breaking into a woman’s home recently. Court records show Kye Phillips used the victim’s shower, tried on her clothes and jewelry and was also seen walking around in a pair of high heels, according to KPTV “He was going through all my personal things. My underwear, my bras, he was going through all my clothes. He ate my ice cream and some food. Drank root beer from the fridge, just made himself at home,” said Shauna told WPTV. She said she was alerted to the intruder thanks to her dog, who kept barking and set off the “Furbo” dog camera app on her phone. That’s when she saw a live video feed from her dog camera showing a man stepping out of her bathroom. “All of a sudden I see this guy coming out in a towel from my bathroom. I was like what are you doing in my house? Why are you wearing my clothes?” Shauna said. KPTV reports Shauna immediately called police and raced home. Together, they confronted the man. “His face was just like shock, like ‘oh my god, I can’t believe I was caught.’ He was wearing my black bra, a black bathing suit bottom that I have and a white coverup,” Shauna said during her interview.

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Boner Candidate #2: YEAH, YOU ARE CHRIST LIKE,FOR SURE

U.S. Rep. Steve King said that after facing months of criticism for comments in the New York Times about white supremacy and nationalism, he better understands the persecution Jesus Christ felt. The 4th District representative made the comments in response to a question from the Rev. Pinky Person of the Faith In Christ Fellowship, who told King during a town hall Tuesday in Cherokee that she was concerned that “Christianity is really being persecuted.” “When I have to step down to the floor of the House of Representatives, and look up at those 400-and-some accusers — you know we just passed through Easter and Christ’s passion — and I have better insight into what He went through for us, partly because of that experience,” King told about 30 attendees the town hall at Western Iowa Tech Community College. King’s “accusers” were fellow members of the U.S. House of Representatives, who took action condemning King after the New York Times published an article quoting him saying, “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?” House Republicans also stripped King of committee assignments after the article. The Kiron Republican has repeatedly said the New York Times misquoted him or mischaracterized his words.

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Boner Candidate #3: SHARE THE ROAD WON’T YOU?

A Provo cyclist says he was run off the road in Emigration Canyon over the weekend. Trever Kingsbury was cycling with his friend Saturday morning near the intersection of Sunnyside Ave. and Foothill Dr. He says a Silver 2013 Mercedes coup almost ran the pair off the road. He says the driver then tried that again, even dragging Kingsbury for several yards. Following the incident, Kingsbury wrote on Facebook that police, “aren’t doing anything,” but police say that’s not the case. They were informed of the incident Saturday — shortly after it happened — and officers were sent to the scene. Kingsbury offered a licence plate, but officers say it was one that didn’t match the vehicle’s description. Later in the day, police say Kingsbury offered another plate that helped police identify a possible suspect vehicle. Kingsbury says he was initially frustrated with how things were progressing, but now feels the investigation is on track. Tuesday evening, police caught up with the registered owner of the vehicle and took that car in for processing of evidence. So far, no arrests have been made.

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