Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for August 16th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: APPARENTLY HE DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT.

A Long Island security guard arrested for assault on Wednesday was collared wearing a bone-headed parody of the Miranda warning recited to arrestees. “Warning! You have the Right to Remain an Idiot. Everything YOU say can and will be IGNORED!” screamed the shirt worn by John Ruggiero as he was escorted out of a Selden precinct for his arraignment Thursday. That was a play on the “You have the right to remain silent…” Miranda warning police use to apprise perps of their Fifth Amendment rights. The 50-year-old security guard was taken into custody after he allegedly assaulted an elderly visitor at a gated community in the hamlet of Mount Sinai around 3 p.m. Wednesday, according to the Suffolk County Police Department. The altercation began when Ruggiero, who works for private community The Ranches at Mount Sinai, denied entry to a 69-year-old man attempting to visit a friend, police said.

Boner Candidate #2: I NEEDED TO GET HER ATTENTION.

Florida Man Nicholas C Nelson was extradited from Georgia this week after allegedly sending 10,000 ext messages to a female acquaintance in a 12-day period. According to police some of those messages were sexually explicit, obsessive and threatened violence upon churches and airports. The texts were sent in April, and Nelson was taken into custody days later, but he was only recently released to Broward County law enforcement. According to the victim, the text messages began on April 5. The woman said the messages included strange, ominous declarations. “You and I, We die together,” one message read. Another talked about a desire to drive tanks around America & blow up churches. Nelson also left clothes on the front yard of the woman’s relatives and texted her a photo of an airport parking lot ticket and threatened to start blowing up planes to prove my point.

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Boner Candidate #3: AN UNWISE CAREER DECISION.

Burger King doesn’t mess around when it comes to tampering with food. The fast-food chain reacted swiftly after five of its workers drew a pig on the order of a local cop.  Timo Rosenthal, a police officer in New Mexico, swung by the establishment to order a burger for a mid-shift lunch. After driving away, he noticed the workers went a little off script while preparing his meal. Someone had taken a sharpie and drawn a pig with large eyes and a police badge on the white bag. Then, when he opened the burger, Rosenthal noticed it was burned. Rosenthal took to Facebook to share his experience with friends and family. He captioned the photo, “Well, while on lunch break (and in uniform) I ordered food at Burger King and received this. The patties were burnt and the burger was of very poor quality. Guess that was the last time I ate at Burger King in Clovis, NM.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: HE WAS HERE A SECOND AGO

A mother said her 4-year-old son went missing after he walked out of Dewey IS Elementary School in St. Louis. She said her son was later found by strangers a half-mile away from the school.
LaTiffiany Carter told KTVI the school district has provided her with very little details and she doesn’t even know what door her son exited out of, what time he left, or how long he had been wandering the streets.Carter said she wants to see security changes put into place at the school. She said it was her son’s first day of pre-K and she has since removed him from the school. She’s grateful a man and woman stopped her son and called the police. She said officers knew there was a school nearby and brought him back.

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Boner Candidate #2: MULTI-TASKING

When Sergeant Kyle Smith of the Washington State Patrol last night spotted a car on the shoulder of a road near the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, he assumed the vehicle was somehow disabled. But when Smith approached the auto, he discovered that the male driver had pulled over while playing Pokémon Go simultaneously on eight separate phones. As seen in the above photo snapped by Smith, the driver had the phones secured inside a makeshift foam carrier rig. The driver, cops say, agreed to put the phones in the car’s rear seat before resuming his commute. The motorist, who was not identified by police, was not cited for distracted driving or any vehicular violations.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU DIDN’T GET A FILET O FISH?

A “crazed” McDonald’s customer whose Filet-O-Fish order was somehow botched at the drive-thru window “pitched a fit” and began bashing another vehicle with a shopping cart, Florida police report. The male suspect, who remains at large, was in line Sunday at a McDonald’s in Sarasota when he “did not get his fillet of fish,” according to cops. Denied his $3.79 fish sandwich, the driver proceeded to “pitch a fit,” a police report notes.The suspect left the drive-thru line (seen below), exited his vehicle, and then grabbed a nearby shopping cart (the police report does not indicate where the suspect sourced said cart).Investigators say the man then began smashing the cart into the side of a vehicle owned by a 46-year-old Bradenton woman. The victim’s car, cops estimated, sustained about $2000 in damages. Fit complete, the suspect returned to his auto and fled. The victim and witnesses told police that they did not know the man’s identity. Cops have classified the McDonald’s meltdown as felony criminal mischief since the damage the suspect caused exceeded $1000.

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