ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1: THE BRITISH LOVE THEIR BEANS.
The British village of Wonersh has experienced an increase in bean-related crimes as beans have been poured on residents’ cars and front doors.
BONER CANDIDATE #2: IF YOU ARE LOSING SLEEP OVER FAMILY STUCK IN KABUL, MIGHT I SUGGEST MY PILLOW?
Sean Hannity uses anxiety over Kabul to promote My Pillow on his show.
BONER CANDIDATE #3: ANYTHING TO MAKE A BUCK.
A pharmacist in Chicago was indicted for theft of government property after he was caught selling vaccination cards on eBay.
ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1: AND THEN THERE WAS THE OTHER WIDOW.
A woman in Baltimore is suing a funeral home for $8.5 million after confusion about to whom her deceased husband was actually married.
BONER CANDIDATE #2: SOME ONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN.
Governer Doug Ducey of Arizona created a $163 million grant for schools, although schools with mask mandates won’t see any of the cash.
BONER CANDIDATE #3: BIDEN WANTS A COUNTRY FULL OF OMARS.
Charlie Kirk believes Biden let Afghanistan fall intentionally so he could use refugees to change the body politic.
