Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for August 23, 2019

Round One:

BONER CANDIDATE #1: THE GRINDR MONEY HAD TO COME FROM SOMEWHERE

A crooked priest stole nearly $100,000 in church donations to pay men he met on Grindr to perform sex acts on him, prosecutors have alleged. Reverend Joseph McLoone, of St. Joseph’s Catholic Church in Downingtown, allegedly funneled donations made by parishioners to fund his sleazy habit for at least six years. On Wednesday, investigators revealed he allegedly opened a secret TD Bank checking account in 2011 and deposited $98,405, which he then used to pay for his illicit activities as well as to pay off his credit card debts. The disgraced priest allegedly withdrew roughly $46,000 in cash from the undisclosed account in Ocean City, New Jersey, where he owns a beach house. He admitted using some of the funds for ‘personal relationships’ with men, including $1,200 to an inmate in a New York correctional facility, court files states. McLoone told investigators that Miller lived in New York City and that he met the inmate via Grindr for a sexual relationship, the complaint shows.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: ICE CREAM LICKERS STRIKE AGAIN

A man in southeast Texas insists that he’s innocent after circulating a now-viral video of himself removing a container of vanilla Blue Bell ice cream from a Walmart freezer, licking the frozen dessert, and placing it back on the shelf. Though the prankster has since received backlash and threats on social media for the stunt, police have confirmed that the man did indeed buy the ice cream after tampering with it. Nevertheless, reps for Blue Bell are taking no chances in the frozen aisle, and have since removed all the half-gallon varieties of the same flavor at the Port Arthur Walmart. Officials for the superstore stressed that food-tampering is no “joke” and warned that they will cooperate with law enforcement on all such related investigations in the future. On Monday night, a Facebook user identified only as “Dapper Don” uploaded a seemingly disturbing 20-second video. Removing a half-gallon tub of Blue Bell’s homemade vanilla flavor from a store shelf in the freezer aisle, the man opened and licked the dessert twice before putting it back on the store shelf with the lid reattached. An accomplice can be heard chuckling in the background, apparently filming and yelling, “Come on, let’s go, let’s go! Hurry up!” “Happy National Soft Ice Cream Day #viral,” Don captioned the video, which has since been viewed over 82,000 times on the platform. Though the footage did indeed go viral, commenters were largely frustrated with the “disgusting” flop of a joke.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: BETYA A QUARTER I BLOW A .190

A woman arrested for drunk driving asked cops if they wanted to place a bet on what she registered on a breathalyzer test, according to court records. Mary Westerlund, 62, was nabbed late Monday evening near her home in Florida’s The Villages retirement community. Cops approached Westerlund’s Acura after receiving a report of a “drunk female being present at the Fire Station.” Westerlund, cops say, was impaired and had “bloodshot glassy eyes and heavily slurred speech.” As she screamed at a sheriff’s deputy, the officer detected “the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from her breath,” according to an arrest affidavit. When police sought to place her in a patrol car, Westerlund, pictured above, reportedly struggled with a deputy and announced that she was not going to jail. After being driven to the county lockup, Westerlund submitted two breath samples–but not before offering a police technician a 25-cent wager. Westerlund, who was convicted of drunk driving in 2015, estimated that she “would blow a .190 BAC.” The legal blood alcohol content level is .08. The Intoxilyzer operator–who did not accept the two-bit offer–subsequently had Westerlund provide samples that registered her BAC at .229 and then .210.   Read More

Round Two:

BONER CANDIDATE #1: RANDY OLDSTERS GETTING IT ON IN THE PARK

Six senior citizens have been arrested after they were allegedly caught having sex in a Connecticut woodland. Police say they busted the elderly residents getting hot and heavy at Grace Richardson Conservation area in Fairfield last week, during a police crackdown on public hookups in the area. The CT Post identified the locals as Daniel Dobbins, 67; Otto D. Williams, 62; Charles L. Ardito, 75; John Linartz, 62; Richard Butler, 82 and his wife Joyce Butler, 85. All six of the elderly citizens – five men and one woman – were arrested and charged with breach of peace. Dobbins and Linartz have additionally been charged with public indecency. All six of those arrested have been released and will appear in court at a later date. Authorities decided to increase surveillance on the Grace Richardson Conservation following complaints about ‘lewd and sexual activity’ taking place in the vicinity earlier this month. On August 9, concerned citizens called the cops to report a public hookup happening in the wooded area. The CT Times reports that the Grace Richardson Conservation is listed online as a popular spot for public sex. The park has been advertised on at least one ‘City Hookup Guide’ as a meet-up spot, alongside other Fairfield locations including a commuter parking lot and a local McDonald’s. Police say they will continue to monitor those sites, as well as internet listings, in order to keep public spaces ‘appropriate and safe’.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: PEOPLE SHOOTING UP MARIJUANNA

A Fox News guest said that San Francisco should be focused on solving its homelessness crisis instead of trying to improve the language used in its justice system — specifically, they should focus on those on the streets who “just shot up marijuana.” San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors adopted new “person first” guidelines to refer to people with criminal records. Instead of calling someone a convicted felon, for example, the city would refer to them as a “formerly incarcerated person” or a “justice-involved” person, the San Francisco Chronicle reports. Repeat offenders would be called “returning residents.” Minors will be referred to as “young person with justice system involvement” or “young person impacted by the juvenile justice system” instead of juvenile delinquents, and drug addicts will be called people “with a history of substance use.” Supervisor Matt Haney said the official parlance will prevent residents from being “forever labeled for the worst things that they have done.” During Thursday’s Outnumbered, a Fox show in which a panel of four women and one male guest discuss current events, the co-hosts railed on the city’s new language guidelines. “If you thought San Francisco couldn’t find more ways to push political correctness, check this out,” co-host Melissa Francis said in the segment. Guest David Avella, who chairs GOPAC, an organization that trains Republican candidates, insisted that San Francisco should take its victims into consideration, not the formerly incarcerated. “Actions speak louder than words, and what we also didn’t hear from our friends in San Francisco is what new words should we use for victims. So often over the last couple of years, the focus in California has been on the defendant, not on the victims … California has tried to clear out their prisons and yet every year they continue to have overcrowded prisons.” Here’s where Avella fumbles the drug references. “And the focus ought to be on a society that follows the law, not allowing people to defecate in the streets,” he continued. “Not allowing individuals to lay on the street having just shot up with marijuana …” “Heroin,” an Outnumbered co-host corrects him. “Heroin, and having a needle sticking out of them,” he said. “We ought to be focused on solving crimes.”   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: WHICH MORALLY CORRUPT ASSHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO VOTE FOR

Joe Walsh, a conservative radio host who served one term as an Illinois congressman, is inching toward challenging President Trump in a Republican primary. “I’m strongly, strongly considering it. That’s — again, I’m not trying to be cute or coy. I’ve told you before — if somebody’s going to get in there and go after him … it’s got to be done soon,” Walsh, 57, said Thursday on CNN. “You’re running out of time. But more importantly, these are not conventional times. Look at the guy in the White House. These are urgent times,” said Walsh, who last week apologized for his role in helping elect an “unfit con man.” Walsh, who was elected in 2010 as part of the Tea Party movement, said he voted for Trump in 2016 only because Trump wasn’t Hillary Clinton. But he said he changed his views after Trump’s press conference with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Helsinki, Finland, last year in which he sided with the Russian strongman over his own intelligence community’s assessments of meddling in the election. When asked when he’ll decide on whether to challenge Trump, Walsh said, “Labor Day’s in what — a week. If you want to get in, you’ve got to get in within the next week or so.”   Read More


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