ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: AS IF YOU NEEDED ANOTHER REASON TO HATE SMASH MOUTH
In the aftermath of this year’s Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, festival headliners Smash Mouth have shared some of the hate mail they’ve received. The rally took place from August 7th to 16th and Smash Mouth held down the Sunday night slot at the flagship event, the Sturgis Buffalo Chip. During their set before a large, mask-less crowd, lead singer Steve Harwell seemed to mock the pandemic, shouting, “We’re all here together tonight! F–k that COVID s–t!” The message may have resonated for Sturgis attendees, but for others, it left the band with the shape of an ‘L’ on their foreheads. Now, in an Instagram post, the “All-Star” rockers have revealed an angry letter from a fan. It depicts a shattered CD sprinkled over a hand-written note. Only a few words are visible — “kills,” “selfish,” “mother fuckers,” — but the gist is clear. Smash Mouth captioned the picture, “recent fan mail.” Social media comments have also been critical. “You should be ashamed of yourselves for not putting the greater good for all above financial gain,” one person wrote; another said, “Have seen you guys four times in four different cities and always looked up to you, but this was a really bad — uncharacteristically, I believe — decision.
Boner Candidate #2: SHE WAS PRACTICING SANTERIA
DUNNELLON, Fla. – Accusations of witchcraft and spells led to the arrest last week of a Port St Lucie man and charges that he fired a gun at a car. Citrus County Sheriff’s Office deputies arrested Saturday Michael Castillo Carvajal, 40, of 613 SE Starfish Ave., Port St Lucie, after victims said he fired a handgun into their car, according to the arrest report. Deputies charged Carvajal with three counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. The two victims told deputies that Carvajal and others were at a West Parkview Drive home in Dunnellon at about 4:45 p.m. Saturday and were hosting a Santeria religious ceremony. The first victim told deputies she was to pick up a friend from the home but was afraid to go there because Carvajal believed she was a witch and had cast a spell on him, according to the arrest report. She told deputies she parked her blue Lexus sports utility vehicle away from the West Parkview home and walked close to the house and waited for her friend to come out. She told deputies that the second victim came out and they walked together to the first victim’s car, according to the arrest report. The two got into the car, but soon later switched seats.
Boner Candidate #3: BUT WHAT WAS THE MOVIE?
As his Tesla operated in autopilot mode on a North Carolina highway, a motorist was watching a movie on his phone when the vehicle crashed into a police car early this morning, investigators say. According to police, Devainder Goli, a 66-year-old emergency room doctor from Raleigh, was traveling home just after midnight on Highway 64 when his Tesla struck a Nash County Sheriff’s Office patrol car (which then caromed into a North Carolina State Highway Patrol vehicle). A sheriff’s deputy and a state trooper had stopped on the highway due to a previous accident. While they were knocked to the pavement in the Tesla crash, neither was seriously injured. A subsequent investigation determined that Goli (seen above) was watching a movie on his phone while the Tesla was in autopilot mode. Due to an assortment of cameras and ultrasonic sensors, the electric car manufacturer claims autopilot is safer than a human driver in average driving conditions. Pictured above, Goli has been charged with a pair of vehicular law violations, including driving a motor vehicle while “viewing any television, computer, or video player.” Goli’s damaged Tesla and the sheriff’s squad car are pictured below.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THOSE WERE JUST WHAT YA CALL THEM GRANNY PANTIES
The former pool boy who claims to have had an affair with Jerry Falwell Jr.’s wife while the evangelical leader watched accused him of being a “predator” who once sent him a photo of a Liberty University student exposing herself at his family’s farm. In a statement released Tuesday night, Giancarlo Granda said Falwell sending him the photo is “not appropriate” behavior for someone who, until this week, was in a position of power over thousands of college students. “The reality is Jerry Falwell is a predator. I know this because he sent me an image of a female Liberty University student exposing herself at their farm,” Granda said in the statement released on Twitter. “This is not appropriate conduct [for someone] who up until this week, has been charged with overseeing the well-being of thousands of vulnerable and impressionable students,” he added. In an interview with the Washington Post, Falwell said he believes the photo in question was an image of one of his daughter-in-law’s friends wearing “granny panties” that he insisted was not sexual. Falwell told the newspaper that the photo was captured when he and his wife were out of town and his daughters-in-law and a friend were using their guest house to cook. One of the women was video recording, and as a joke, the friend lifted up her skirt and exposed her underwear, he said.
Boner Candidate #2: IT KILLED THE WHOLE VIBE
You may now grift the bride. A Michigan couple says their wedding day was ruined by crashers who stole all of the gifts from their outdoor celebration. Alicia and Darreck Trayler got hitched Saturday night in a ceremony held behind the home of the groom’s mother in Melvindale, news station WDIV reported. The nuptials were hosted outside with COVID-19 precautions so that 150 loved ones could celebrate with them. “This day really meant a lot to me and it was beautiful,” Alicia told the outlet. But at some point, three women who were not invited were able to wander over. The trio told someone they were bringing the presents indoors — but when the ceremony was over, the gifts were nowhere to be found, the couple said. “Those gifts were given to us from our family and our friends — and for someone to take the time out to mess up my special moment, that hurts me,” Alicia told WDIV. Police are investigating the incident. “After the wedding, we couldn’t even go to a honeymoon or nothing. We just went home,” Darreck said. “It killed the whole vibe.”
Boner Candidate #3: SAVE IT FOR HEALTH CLASS MOM
One of the hardest parts about raising children is deciding when they are old enough for “adult things.” When we need to start having the talk with them, and when it comes to daughters, a lot of the pressure falls on mom. One mom wanted to let her daughter in on a unique experience that involved conversations about the female reproductive system, and dad did not agree. He even went as far as to call it “bad parenting.” It was the dad who posted on Reddit’s “Am I The A—hole?” to ask if he was the bad guy in this situation. He explained that his wife had already taken a pregnancy test and received a faint line, so they were pretty convinced that she was expecting another child. Like many women, mom wanted to take another test to confirm, but this time she asked her 10-year-old if she wanted to be a part of taking the test. Dad only found out about it later, and he was not happy. He said that he let his wife know that he believed that was bad parenting. He believes that their daughter is still too young for things like that. He said he has never heard of any other mother doing that with their daughter’s and that at the very least, she should have asked him.
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