ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: HER MOM SAYS IT’S TOO CHEAP
It seems the rules for how much to spend on an engagement ring aren’t dead yet — at least to some. A woman reportedly returned her engagement ring to her partner because it didn’t cost 10% of his salary. The ring, which is made of white gold with diamonds and sapphire, cost the man about $3,000. However, he allegedly makes enough that if he followed the 10% rule, which says he should spend one-tenth of his salary on an engagement ring, he should have spent between $10,000 and $15,000.
Boner Candidate #2: YOU’LL NEED A GOOD PILLOW FOR THE END TIMES
CEO of MyPillow Mike Lindell spoke to the crowd at a pro-Trump march in D.C. on Saturday, and singled out Fox News Channel as being “in on” a major conspiracy to overthrow the Donald Trump because of their having called Arizona for Joe Biden. “We cannot give up ever on this,” said Lindell to the crowd, which in no way was giving up, being as they were in D.C. marching under the banner of “Stop the Steal” and in protest of the election results and, more recently the Supreme Court. “This is a spiritual warfare in our country and in the world.” “This fraud is real,” he said. “It’s of epic proportions that this election was stolen.”
Boner Candidate #3: WHITES ONLY
The city council of a small Minnesota town has allowed a Whites-only religious organization to use a vacant church. Murdock, a town of fewer than 300 people, passed a conditional permit Wednesday to allow use of a church building bought by the Asatru Folk Assembly. The Asatru Folk Assembly describes Asatru as “the religion by which the Ethnic European Folk have traditionally related to the Divine and to the world around them.” The website says that it is part of the “great Aryan religiosity.” The Anti-Defamation League describes them as an “extremist group.”
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1:DROP THE DOCTOR, WILL YA KIDDO?
A Wall Street Journal op-ed has sparked fury after it argued Jill Biden’s doctor title ‘sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic’. Columnist Joseph Epstein, 83, labelled the future first lady, 69, ‘kiddo’ in the piece published Friday in which he said she should ‘think about it and forthwith drop the doc’. Dr Biden holds a doctorate in education from the University of Delaware. During President-elect Joe Biden’s eight years serving as vice president she was a full-time English professor at Northern Virginia Community College.
Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE WE’LL HAVE
Donald Trump’s National Security Advisor is taking his wife on a tour of romantic Mediterranean and European capitals this week, despite ordinary Americans being banned from such travel due to the pandemic. Robert O’Brien will land in Paris on Monday and has requested a private tour of the Louvre despite it being closed because of coronavirus restrictions, Axios reported. O’Brien’s representation of the United States at a ceremony in Paris was announced by the White House on Sunday.
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S NOT HELPING WITH THE DEAD RAT SMELL AT ALL
TAIWAN — A man who thought he could pull a fast one on his wife learned the hard way that it’s always better to tell the truth. The Taiwanese man told his wife that the expensive new PlayStation 5 he bought was actually an air purifier. The woman believed him until a rat died inside the couple’s home and the “air purifier” did not hide the smell, the Herald Sun reports. Once the wife became wise about the ruse, she made her husband sell the PS5. When the buyer showed up to get the gaming system he was met by the “sad husband” instead of the woman he had spoken with on the phone. The husband told the buyer, “it’s my wife who wants to sell it.”
